He takes my pen and circles a website on the pamphlet. “Tell him that you and your fiancée are going on walks every morning.”
“But she’s not my fiancée.”
“Then say your future wife, because that’s not lying. That’s just you being optimistic.”
“Okay, yeah.”
I pull up the text message and I start typing back.
Theo:Don’t waste your time talking to Neil. My future wife and I are walking together every morning, which has provided a nice way to get to know each other.
“There.”
“Let me read it,” Rupert says. I show him the screen and he nods. “That’s perfect. Not too aggressive, but also shows that he should be nervous that you’re about to give the family name to someone else. Someone who doesn’t have a voice that makes dogs cry.”
Not to pick on Neil’s daughter, but he’s right. Her voice is unbearable, especially because she also tends to be a know-it-all. There was one conversation I was having with my mates about cricket, and she kept stating the rules to the game, but the worst part was, she was completely incorrect. If you’re going to butt into a conversation that you weren’t invited to, then at least know what you’re talking about so you sound half intelligent.
My phone buzzes with another text.
I glance down at it and it’s a picture of Neil’s daughter wearing a wedding dress that’s ill-fitting, lumpy on the sides, and far too thick at the base, which seems like it would cause her to trip.
“God.” I turn my phone away.
“What?”
I flash the screen at Rupert and he shivers from head to toe.
“Dear God in heaven, that was…that was mean,” he says.
“Yeah, that was just being rude. Going below the belt, some might say.”
“Unsure what he’s trying to prove other than that’s not the woman you’ll walk down the aisle with if I have anything to do with it.” He points toward the door. “I didn’t deface his portrait for that man to win. You’ll marry Renley Lynn Gossage if it’s the last thing I do!” Rupert shouts.
I bring my hands together to start clapping when, from the window, we hear, “That’s quite the proclamation.”
Eyes wide, Rupert and I turn to each other, panic setting in.
Whispering, I ask, “Was that Renley? Did she hear us?”
Rupert hunkers down and glances toward the window. “I think it was and I think she did.”
“What do we do now?”
“Opening the door would be job number one,” she says.
Whispering even lower, Rupert says, “She can hear us.”
Rolling my eyes, I stand and say, “Of course she can, the window’s open.”
I move toward the front door and open it wide, plastering on a smile. “Renley, wow, so wonderful to see you. I thought I’d have to search you out myself for visitation, but here you are, at my front door. What a pleasant surprise.”
“Care to explain yourself?”
I scratch my chest, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. “Whatever do you mean?”
“You’ll marry me if it’s the last thing you do?”
Okay, so she did hear.
