“Because we can do this, Renley, we can figure this out. I want to figure this out.”
I press my forehead to his. “I want to figure this out as well. So much.”
The words are on the tip of my tongue, that I love him as well, and I know I should say them, but there’s a damaged piece of me, a side that I’m not even sure I know too much about, that is holding me back.
But as his lips land on mine and I turn in his grip to straddle his lap, I realize that there is no pressure from him to say it. He’s never pressured me, only supported.
And this is exactly why I need him in my life.
Tears stream down my cheeks as Theo stands in front of me, his lips pressing into my forehead as his strong arms wrap around me.
His luggage is in the waiting car, and some guy named Lamar is standing outside it, watching us say our goodbyes.
After I spent what felt like the entire night with Theo out by the pond, just making out, talking, and making out some more until I was far too cold to be outside anymore, we headed back to our houses, him holding on to my hand the entire time. After I disappeared into my house, I went straight to bed and sobbed myself to sleep, only awaking when my alarm went off, telling me it was time to say goodbye to Theo.
Aunt Kitty has already said her goodbyes and is sitting in her kayak, paddling through air. I have yet to talk to her since last night, and I honestly don’t know how to approach the conversation. I’m so angry, so disheartened, so frustrated. I fear that if I do say something, it’s not going to be kind, and the last thing I need to do right now is heighten the tension between us, but I also don’t think I can go on like this, living in this house with her, because it’s only hurting our relationship.
“It’s going to be okay,” he whispers. “I promise.”
I cling to him, not wanting to let go.
I’ve never been this emotionally attached to a man, even my father. When he passed, I was incredibly sad—it was a loss in mylife that changed me—but for some reason, this feels different. This feels like the moment Theo leaves, I will crumble.
He’s been my backbone through all of this, something I didn’t realize until yesterday.
I know I’ve taken on the shop by myself, and I’ve accomplished so much with it, but having him there, having a partner, kept me going. And I loved showing him progress and sharing the experience with him, and now that he won’t be the person that I go off with at night after a long, hard day, it makes me feel empty and devoid of joy.
More tears erupt as a sob escapes me.
God, I’m never this emotional. What is wrong with me?
“I’m sorry,” I say, wiping at my eyes. “I just wish we had more time. I didn’t get to take you fishing. And the shop, you won’t see it finished or be there for the opening.” My lip quivers.
The opening.
He would thrive during the opening, and I know he would keep me calm while charming all of the patrons.
“This isn’t goodbye forever.” He lifts my chin with his index finger. “Love, this is just for now while I get things sorted. Okay?”
I nod, but it doesn’t lessen the ache in my chest or the emptiness in my bones.
Because it’s just words. Everything is words.
My dad used words.
My aunt used words.
And both of them disappointed me.
“Watch,” he says, practically reading my mind. “Watch how we make this work. It’s not just me saying it, love. Watch it happen. Okay?”
I nod, the conviction in his words settling the aching pit in my stomach.
“Okay.”
He tips my chin up farther and presses a kiss to my lips, the sensation of him this close, this intimate, filling me up with desire, with strength, with the belief that maybe, just maybe, everything is going to turn out okay in the end.
When he pulls away, he wipes my tears with his thumbs and then brings his lips to my ear, where he whispers, “I love you.”
