One word.
That’s all it takes.
My world comes crashing down around me.
The stress of the shop.
The anxiety of Theo leaving and the unknown of what goes along with that.
The anger I feel toward my aunt…toward Rupert.
It all hits me at once and I break down into a fit of sobs, right there under the tree, next to the pond that has brought me so much joy this summer.
Pain echoes through my chest, ricocheting as I feel Theo move in beside me, and then he pulls me onto his lap, where I curl into his chest and let him hold me as he soothingly rubs my back and places soft kisses on the top of my head.
“It’s going to be okay,” he whispers.
“It’s not.” I shake my head and cling to his shirt. “It’s not going to be okay. Nothing about this is going to be okay. You’releaving and I just got in a fight with my aunt, and…and you’re leaving and I don’t want you to leave and I know I shouldn’t say that because your dad had a heart attack, but I’m scared that I won’t see you again and…and I like you, Theo. I didn’t want to like you, but goddammit, you made that impossible.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t want to make things harder on you, but you didn’t make it easy on me either. You made it so easy to fall for you, Renley. Everything about you I gravitate toward, from your tough exterior, to your softer side, to your tenacity and hard work. I’m so fucking attracted to you, so bloody obsessed.”
I lift my head to look him in the eyes, tears still streaming down my face. “It’s going to be so empty here without you.” My feelings come rushing out of me. I was going to attempt to hold them back, to not show my cards, but it feels damn near impossible with him holding me, wrapping me in his warmth, and my emotions warring within me. “You bring light and joy to my days. You’ve taught me how to relax, how to enjoy the small parts of my day. I’m going to miss that, terribly. Everything about it I’m going to miss. But most importantly, I’m going to miss this, us. The way you hold me, cherish me, look at me. You’ve made me feel like so much more than I’ve ever seen in myself. I…I don’t want to lose that, lose you.”
“You’re not,” he says, his voice firm yet soft.
“Yes, you’re leaving. You have to go help your dad. That’s…that’s your priority, along with the family title. I know this, even though for a short moment I allowed myself not to think about it.”
He’s silent for a second, and I can practically hear him thinking through his options before he says, “Maybe there’s a way I don’t have to take the title.”
I shake my head. “No, that would sever any bit of relationship you have left with your father.”
“Are you assuming that if I go back and take the title, my relationship with my father will change? I can guarantee it won’t. Probably will get worse because I gave you up for a life I don’t want.”
“You don’t mean that. I heard you talking to Rupert after he walked in on us. You have to go, you have to fulfill your duty. I get that, I’m just…I’m struggling with actually accepting that reality.”
He cups my cheek, forcing me to look him in the eyes, which are full of regret. “I’m sorry that you overheard us,” he says. “This has been a very confusing and abrupt development I wasn’t expecting. I’ve had to work through all my thoughts and feelings within a short period of time. I’ve been indecisive, I’ve been thoughtless and confused, and I haven’t been truthful with you. I’m sorry, love, you deserve so much more than that.”
“What haven’t you been truthful about?” I ask, fear creeping up the back of my neck, because all I can think is that he hasn’t been truthful about his feelings. That would just about break any trust I have with men forever.
“I haven’t been truthful about my feelings,” he says, his eyes on mine.
I lean back, my heart racing. “Theo,” I whisper, my mind falling to the negative.
“Renley, listen?—”
“No.” I shake my head and start to push away from him. “Don’t do this to me, please. Just…just pretend you liked me, just pretend this meant something to you, let me hold on to that falsehood as you go back, please. I don’t think I can take the truth.”
His grip around me tightens as he says, “What are you talking about? Renley, love.” He grips my cheek, his warm palm sending a false sense of comfort through me. “I’m not telling you that Idon’t have feelings for you. I’m trying to…hell, I’m trying to tell you that I love you.”
“Wh-what?” I ask, my brain short-circuiting from the onslaught of emotions tumbling through my mind.
“What Rupert said wasn’t right. This isn’t just a hookup, and I think I’ve expressed that to you, but after everything that’s happened and what you overheard, and the dilemma I’m facing with my father about my obligation to my family, I want you to know one solid thing about what’s going on in my head, and that’s you. I’m in love with you, for so many reasons, but the biggest one being you fill a hole in my life I didn’t know I had. And I’m finally allowing myself to acknowledge that. I don’t want to lose you, Renley.”
I grip the back of his head, my fingers threading through his thick brown hair. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Then we’ll figure this out,” he says, before pressing a light kiss on my lips. “We’ll figure this out together, but we can’t give up on it, okay? I have to leave tomorrow, but I can’t have you going silent on me. I can’t have you ignoring me. The only way we can get through this is with communication. I think we’ve been pretty damn good at that since we started. Promise me we will keep it going.”
I nod, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. “I promise I won’t go silent.”
