Rule Number Two: Theo is allotted five visitations with Renley each day.
(I propose we move this to infinite visitations because I can sense that you’re getting antsy not seeing me all the time. I get it, I’m enigmatic and playful and tend to be the sunshine in someone’s day, so by all means, let’s make this infinite for you. See how mindful I am, how demure? [Did you get that reference? Please say yes.])
Got the reference. And I believe it’s supposed to be demure, then mindful. That being said, I’m adjusting this to three visits now. Greedy people must be punished.
[Going back to infinite because, honestly, at this point, you’re going to want to see more of me after I blew your sandals off. And between you and me, there is so much more I can do with my mouth. Please keep that in mind when making future decisions. Thank you.]
Rule Number Three: Theo is not allowed to flirt with Renley.
(I think we have to eliminate this or change it to “Renley is semi-allowed to flirt with Theo” because, Gossy, you’ve been out of control. And I don’t mind the flirting, but only within reason. We have to keep it platonic.)
Because of this comment, I’m bringing rule number two down to two visitations. You know who’s been flirting—don’t try to turn this sideways.
[I will not be taking any more of your sass. Sorry, that ship has sailed. We are back to infinite visitations and I’m striking rule number three and making it “Theo is allowed to flirt with Renley any time he so pleases and she’s just going to have to deal with it.”]
Rule Number Three, Subsection a: No winking.
(Suggestion: strike this. Up to you though, sometimes it seems like you enjoy the wink. You might love it if I were able to do it more.)
The wink is not enjoyed. Rule number three, subsection a will remain.
[Lies. Winking is back on the table.]
Rule Number Four: Theo is not allowed to propose to Renley.
(Blek, gross. I don’t want to propose at all, but let’s keep this as a stark reminder of just how gross we both think it is. *Throws up*)
Could not agree more.
[I think we all know I was lying when I wrote the above. But we will just pretend that I wasn’t lying and keep this rule…for now.]
Rule Number Five: Renley is to teach Theo how to be a real boy.
(You stole my floor-vacuuming virginity last night. I hope that you continue to do the same thing.)
Will have to work such virginity stealing into your two visits a day. Choose wisely.
[I demand more stealing of virginity. I’ve been a virgin for a few weeks now. Please, by all means, take that as well. Also, for reference, it would be cool to paint something, maybewallpaper, and can I learn about pipes? Not just your pipes, if you know what I mean, but real pipes?]
Rule Number Six: Renley is not allowed to date anyone during the summer.
(This should be rule number one in my opinion.)
Be happy I’m not striking this right here and now. I’ll only keep it because I have no intention of dating anyone so it’s a moot point.
[Not striking it out because I agree with this still. Should be rule number one.]
Rule Number Seven: Theo is allowed to pursue Renley but can’t get mad when Renley ignores all advances and doesn’t even bat an eyelash when he makes his best move because she doesn’t have the time or mental capacity for a relationship or internet fiancé.
(Seemed like you had the mental capacity last night, but then again, maybe it was the homemade wine.)
It was the wine.
[Gossy, it wasn’t the wine, because last night, when you kissed me back, you can’t blame that on anything other than pure, carnal attraction. I felt how your hand slid up my chest. I felt how you gripped my neck. I fucking melted when your tongue swiped at mine. None of that was wine, stop deceiving yourself.]
**ADDING RULES**
Rule Number Eight: Renley is no longer allowed to skip walks with Theo. She made a deal with him, shook on it, and I don’t care what happens the day prior, she’s legally required by palms touching to go on walks with him.
