“W-what do you know about…bipolar disorder?”
His features quickly lit with recognition, empathy and understanding bleeding through.
“I know more than the average person. It was actually part of a major project I did last year.”
“Yeah, I thought I remembered Bash saying something about that. Hypothetically, what would the risks be in dating someone who is bipolar?”
Micah pursed his lips in a tiny frown. “Well, for one, it’s best to say that theyhavebipolar disorder, to show that’s not all they are and it doesn’t define them.”
I winced lightly and my stomach clenched with embarrassment, but he gave me a gentle smile.
“Honestly, the risks really wouldn’t be that different in dating someone who didn’t have a mental illness. It definitelyhas its challenges, but there’s no reason you can’t be a healthy, functioning couple. What risks are you worried about exactly?”
I couldn’t really answer that without betraying Theo’s confidence, but I also trusted Micah’s discretion.
“You promise this stays between us?” I asked and Micah nodded in agreement. “I want to be with Theo. More than fucking anything. But something happened between Theo and Corvin at my party, and it really fucked with me. Now I can’t shake this overwhelming fear that one day he’ll get these urges again and…cheat on me.”
He pinned me with a sympathetic look. “That’s a completely normal and valid fear to have. I won’t lie and say that it can’t cause problems, but it doesn’t have to. If your partner is stable, either with medication, therapy or both, then the chances of them cheating aren’t any higher than for anyone else in a relationship.”
Frustration lanced through me and I raked a hand through my hair.
“So what? Are you saying having a serious mental illness would have absolutely no effect on our relationship and we’d be just like everyone else?” I asked, bitter and sardonic.
“No, I’m saying that if someone were getting treatment and living a relatively healthy lifedespitetheir mental illness, they’d have just as good a chance as anyone else at a happy ending with the person they love.”
“What if I open myself back up to him and this disease breaks him…breaks us? I can’t go through this if I’m going to lose him again.”
I hated this so much, hated feeling so damn conflicted and terrified. Micah’s forehead creased and he drummed his fingers on the barter.
“Okay, I feel like I missed some chapters in this story. Start from the top and give it to me unplugged.”
I dropped my head back with an exhausted groan, but I was too mentally drained to put up any kind of fight. I unloaded everything that happened between me and Theo from the night of my party up until I spoke with Corvin today after practice.
“Well, shit,” Micah blurted once I finished talking. “I will say you’re a much better person than I am because if I’d caught Bash with someone else, that room would look like a scene fromSaw.”
“Except I don’t really have a right to be angry at him for it. We weren’t together and he wasn’t exactly in his right mind that night...”
“Let me ask you something. Did Theo reassure you that it meant nothing and that he only wants you?”
“I mean, yeah…”
“Did he ever cheat when you guys first dated or give you any reason to worry?”
“No, never.”
“And he agreed to do whatever it takes to treat his disorder so this doesn’t happen again?”
“He did…”
Micah rolled his lips and eyed me warily. “So correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like that’s not the crux of the problem then. What is it that’s really bothering you?”
The question was a kick to the gut, forcing answers to the surface that I didn’t want to face. I wasn’t able to meet Micah’s eyes, but I could feel him watching me. My shirt collar felt tighter and my body grew warm under his scrutiny.
“Theo is the only one I’ve ever felt anything for. He’s been my only crush, only kiss, only…everything since we were kids. But I’m nothisonly anymore. I know that’s unrealistic as fuck to think that when he moved away, he’d never be with anyone else, but he has and it hurts way fucking more than it has a right to. And no matter what I do, I can’t stop this relentless voice that says I’m not enough for him anymore.”
Micah’s face crumpled in sympathy. I felt raw and blistered, my stupid confession burning right through me.
“I understand. Really, I do. And I can’t tell you whether you’re enough for Theo because only he can do that and prove it to you. It won’t be easy, but no relationship is. It will take a lot of communication and trust, just like every other couple. Also everyone experiences this disorder differently, so you can’t assume anything about how it will exactly affect him or your relationship.”
