His fingers twitched restlessly at his side, like he was reaching for something he couldn’t quite grasp. His Adam’s apple rippled with a rough swallow.
“I had no choice,” he said barely above a whisper.
“No choice?” I asked incredulously. He didn’t respond or even look me in the eye. All this time waiting for those four words that did nothing to mollify me. If anything, they ignited my rarely seen temper and it was all I could do to keep from decking him in the face.
The silence stretched and twisted around us, and it made my skin itch just under the surface.
“You say you didn’t have a choice,” I grated out, “but you stole mine away from me. I didn’t get a choice to say goodbye or know what went wrong. You just disappeared without a word and it?—”
It broke me.
I managed to bite back the admission before it left my lips. He’d seen enough of my vulnerability and scars for one evening. I’d never been good with words or expressing myself. Music had always helped me speak from the heart when my words failed me. My song tonight said more than I could ever hope to get out amidst the storm of turmoil inside me.
“Forget it. It doesn’t matter anymore,” I intoned, shaking my head at the absurd expectations I had for any answers. I went to move around him, but his hand darted out and gripped my bicep firmly.
I was whipped around and shoved against the wall, his hand cradling the back of my head as his lips crashed into mine. The world tilted under my feet at the familiar taste of him. His tongue invaded my mouth and all I could do was surrender to him. All the thoughts racing through my head were silenced as he devoured me like he had the right to.
I felt his thigh shove between my legs, my cock hardening so fast I got a little lightheaded. He tangled his fingers in my hair and I fed him my moan at the delicious sting when he tugged it just like he used to. He still played my body better than I played that piano.
It infuriated me. I needed to tear myself away, to shove him back and demand he explain himself. I wanted to rage at him and ask how he dared to kiss me like he still loved me, like he’d never left.
But I couldn’t. No part of me could bear to lose even the tiniest fraction of him that I could get.
Before I could get my bearings, he ripped away from me, his panting breaths mingling with mine in the few inches that separated us. I was trembling, clutching at his waist as though I could anchor us to this moment so it couldn’t be over.
“Dawson,” he rumbled. I clamped my eyes shut. I couldn’t look at him. Not when I heard the warning loud and clear in his voice.
“I’m not the Theo you remember. I’m not him. You need to grieve him and move on because he’s gone. Don’t keep holding on to a ghost.”
My mangled heart shredded even further and I didn’t think that was possible. The last ember of hope within me extinguished and I went numb. I slowly opened my eyes only for them to catch on the chain that dangled in front of his chest, threaded through a silver high school class ring.
My breath hitched and the numbness splintered at the sight. Tears welled along my lash line and I fought to hold them back. An aching lump formed in my throat and lodged there. I reached for the ring, gingerly fingering the metal and the initials I knew to be inscribed on the inner edge.
My initials.
“Yet you still kept this,” I whispered hoarsely.
“I made you a promise,” he said, low and rough.
“Then it’s the only one you didn’t break.” I glanced up at him and remorse flashed in his eyes before they shuttered quickly. Theo stepped back, taking all the warmth in my body with him. I shivered when the coldness I felt was reflected in his stare.
“Like I said, I’m not him anymore,” he said coolly. I was frozen in place as he disappeared back into the bar, reeling from our disorienting encounter. I was shaken up and left on edge with far more questions than I had before.
I made my way back inside and crumpled into my seat, gaze trained on the tabletop so I didn’t see the pity or apprehension on my friends’ faces.
“Hey D…what do you need from us right now?” Bash asked. I barely felt the hand he laid comfortingly on my shoulder.
“I just…” I broke off, not knowing how to answer him. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to explain. There was only one thing that came to mind. “I need to forget…”
No explanation needed, they all jumped into action. Shots were lined up in front of me, stories were told to distract me, and one of Micah’s friends, Fin, stole my hand for some kind of massage that nearly put me in a coma of bliss.
I could sense everyone’s curious stares and the pity they undoubtedly felt for me. As hard as I struggled to keep my gaze pinned to the table, it was pulled in Theo’s direction. I immediately wished I hadn’t looked. He grabbed his date’s hand with a look of grim determination on his face as he pulled the grinning man behind him and strode out the front door.
My stomach rolled violently and I downed the nearest shot glass, praying to whatever deity happened to be listening that I could get trashed enough to forget every second of the night. It might have been a fool’s errand, but fuck if I wasn’t going to try.
Eventually, I settled into a foggy state as the alcohol permeated my blood. Griffin, a lacrosse player who was friendswith some of the guys at the table, had us cracking up over this story of tragically timed food poisoning the lacrosse team had gotten coming back from an away game. As one who had often endured very long bus rides with the football team, I couldn’t even imagine being trapped in a vehicle with the smells and sounds of my suffering teammates like that.
The story had done its job for a little while, but it wasn’t long before the memories of me and Theo seeped back into my consciousness. Once everyone’s attention was on the conversation and off of me, Aly sidled up next to me. She’d been eyeing me all night, but once I had noticed Theo, she’d faded into the background with everyone else.
