“Mercury?”
I broke. My lips crashed into his, inhaling him like a sweet drug. His lips were dry and chapped, but somehow so perfect moving against my own. I licked the seam of his lips and when his tongue lashed mine, I moaned into his mouth. I felt his hand settle tentatively on my waist and I slipped my arm around him, pulling him closer. It felt right in a way I’d long forgotten existed.
“Theo,” I grated, my voice raw. A low whimper escaped him and he reclaimed my mouth, kissing me with an intensity that radiated down to my marrow. I walked him backwards until his back met the ladder, pressing against every inch of his tightbody. Hands raked through my hair, tugging and scraping my scalp in a delicious pain that tore a groan from my throat.
This wasn’t what I intended to happen. There was too much damage between us, too much that had to heal for us to even consider this, but in that moment I couldn’t have cared less. I needed him, needed his taste and his heat. His moans and his gasps.
“Fuck, Dawson,” he breathed against my lips. “Please don’t leave me.”
My chest squeezed painfully at his whispered plea. It hurt to hear the fear in his voice, but it also cleared away the lust long enough to get my bearings. I pulled back just enough to look him in the eye. He tensed as I put a little more space between us, but I cupped his cheek to calm him.
“I’m not going anywhere this time, I promise. But we need to take a beat before we get too carried away. Okay?”
Theo sighed in relief, but I noticed the wariness in his gaze. I understood he didn’t fully trust my sincerity in starting over, but I was committed to this. It wasn’t like all the pain had disappeared and I was over everything. I had a lot of open wounds still where Theo was concerned, but I was done letting rage and bitterness consume me. I wanted us to have a second chance at being in each other’s lives, whatever that looked like.
And I couldn’t jeopardize that by mauling him and diving into the desire that had always stirred between us. We needed to take this slower. Much slower.
I took his hand and led him over to my chair under the loft, gesturing for him to sit down as I pulled a stool over for myself. I shot him a bashful look, rubbing my hands together nervously.
“I’m sorry for jumping you like that. I got caught up in the moment,” I explained. I tried my best to ignore the wince he failed to hide. “I meant everything I said though. I want us tobe friends again. More than anything, I miss my best friend. I’m hoping for a chance for us to get that back.”
He absorbed what I said, gnawing on his bottom lip and hunched over, deep in thought. My knee bounced relentlessly while I waited for his answer.
“Friends, huh?”
I couldn’t quite place his tone. I wasn’t sure whether he was disappointed or relieved. His gaze slid up to mine, piercing through me. So many memories passed through my head and I wondered if he was remembering them too.
Days enjoying video games and inside jokes. Nights spent kissing and fucking under the stars. A future of happiness plotted out in eager anticipation. Everything we once meant to each other being boiled back down to innocent friendship seemed wrong, but necessary.
We were different men now. We couldn’t go backwards.
“Yeah…friends.”
“Who’s giving whiplash now?” he teased lightly.
I dropped my chin to my chest, feeling like a huge hypocrite. I tried to regret kissing him, but I couldn’t. It had been a hit of pure oxygen to my veins. When I looked back up and saw his lips kick up slightly and his face soften, I smiled gratefully in return.
“So what does this mean for you and that girl?”
I grimaced in confusion. “Who, Aly? Why would it mean anything for us?”
He looked at me with a bewildered expression. “You don’t think your girlfriend will care that we’re friends again and we just…made out?”
I choked on my spit. “She’s not—I don’t have a girlfriend. We’re just friends, I swear!”
“Like I’m just your friend?” Theo smirked sadly. I ran my hand down my face, frustrated with myself and my stupidity.
“Not at all,” I said firmly. “Aly’s just a very good friend. She and I haven’t even kissed before. I’m not seeing anyone right now.”
“But…at the party, you said?—”
“Something fucked up because I was pissed and hurt,” I interjected.
There was no mistaking the relief on his features, but there was also regret too. The last thing I wanted to do was bring up anything from that shitty night, but there was something we needed to discuss before we left it behind for good.
“What about you and Corvin?” I questioned, acid bubbling in my stomach thinking about them together.
Theo broke our eye contact and I swallowed down the bile that threatened to come up. Whatever his answer was, I wasn’t going anywhere. I would need to eventually accept Theo dating other people just like he’d need to do the same for me. Not that I had the desire to right now, but I also couldn’t be alone forever.
