Sometimes I could pretend that I was really happy, that nothing was wrong or missing in my life. But maybe the real measure of happiness is our ability to pretend. How well are we able to pretend that our lives are what we want them to be? How good of an actor am I that people couldn’t see that I was half a person?
The other half of me was torn away years ago before I even knew it had happened. The hole Theo left behind was irreparable, a sinkhole that only grew deeper and wider each day he was gone until there was nothing that remained of who I was before.
He told me he wasn’t the same person anymore, but neither was I. The boy from before, the one who thought he was truly happy, who believed he’d found his soulmate, who trusted fate to keep them together? He disappeared the same night Theo did and I was all that was left in his place.
After using the bathroom and washing my hands, I braced myself to go back downstairs and pull Theo away to talk. I still wasn’t sure what the hell I’d even say. If nothing else, I needed to make sure he was okay if Aly was right and he was high on something. I’d always taken care of him before. It seemed those old instincts didn’t die easily.
I hit the second floor landing and headed for the next flight of stairs when unmistakable sounds coming from my room stopped me. I cursed under my breath, pissed that some wasted asshats seemed to be using my space like a room at the BunnyRanch.
I reached out to push open the cracked door, but the deep groan I heard next shattered everything inside me.
“Fuuuck, that’s it. Suck me down...”
My gut cramped fiercely and I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop myself from losing the contents of my stomach. A violent shudder tore through me, but it didn’t stop as more sounds poured from the room.
Everything reached me as though through a tunnel. Muffled and distant, but the pain was as sharp as a blade piercing my skin. It cut through muscle and sinew, organ and bone. I was frozen, stuck in that moment of purgatory as I listened to Theo’s pleasure climb.
“Shit…I’m close. Ngh, yeah…faster. There—oh, fuck!”
My eyes slammed shut against the next roll of nausea. I couldn’t stop the shaking that rattled me from head to toe, but cold rage shot down my limbs and propelled me forward.
I swung the door in fast, the abrupt move causing Corvin to jump away from where Theo was panting on the bed, pants undone and his cock limp and glistening with saliva. My gut spasmed and churned, and I breathed through my nose in a desperate attempt to stifle it.
“Fuck Hayes, you scared the shit out of me. Dude, I’m sorry—he just kissed me, and then I—” Corvin stammered.
“Get thefuckout of my room,” I growled, casting him a venomous glare. I was quaking, grasping at every bit of animosity I could latch onto to keep the despair from drowning me.
Corvin’s face turned crimson in embarrassment, but he wisely said nothing and rushed out the door, leaving Theo and I in strained silence. I couldn’t look at him, keeping my gaze trained on the floor in front of me. In my periphery, I noticed Theo sitting up and tucking himself back into his jeans. His movements were clumsy and uncoordinated as he stood, running a hand through his disheveled locks.
“Mercury—”
“Don’t.” The word came out shredded and raw. I chanced a look up at Theo and it nearly collapsed my lungs. He looked flushed and crazed, his pupils dilated and darting across my face. His fingers fidgeted restlessly at his side.
“I didn’t…mean to,” he rasped brokenly.
“What is wrong with you?” I blurted out, my voice breaking. “How could you do something so fucked up?”
“I don’t know. It just h-happened, and…I only wanted—Dawson, please…” he pleaded, stepping closer to me.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I shouted, backing away from him. I couldn’t bear the thought of his touch on me. Not now. Theo’s face paled and he wrapped his arms around himself, shivering visibly.
“I didn’t really want him. I didn’t…it wasn’t what…I wanted you.” Theo’s voice shook in time with his body.
“Are you kidding me?” I hissed. “You disgust me. Why would I ever let you touch me afterthat?”
Theo shook his head frantically, his breaths coming in rapid pants. “No, no. You don’t mean that…”
“The fuck I don’t! If you think this is the way to get me back in your life, you’re crazy.”
His whole demeanor shifted on a dime, poison drenching his gaze.
“Don’t fucking say that!” He exploded. “Don’t call me that! I’m not crazy!”
“What the hell would you call the stunt you just pulled?”
“I didn’t plan it! I just…it’s not what you think.”
“You brought that asshole up here to hook up in my room, Theo! On my bed!”
