God, I hope so. I miss you so fucking much it’s hard to breathe. But if for any reason you haven’t waited…if things have changed for you, I need you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the other half of my soul. You loved me unconditionally and I will love you endlessly. Infinitely. Even when the blood dries in my veins, I will still be loving you.
But I also need you to know that I’ll be okay. You gave me strength until I found my own and showed me that I’m so much more than this illness. It’s not all that I am and I won’t let it have power over me again. Even if I sometimes need help, I will still be okay because of you and what you’ve done for me.
Thank you for saving me, for loving me, for being my lifeline and my home. I love you, Dawson.
And if you’re there waiting for me, I’m never letting you go again.
Chapter 50
Theo
Stepping outside Harbor House was like taking that final step off the high diving board and free-falling through the air with excitement and fear swirling in your gut. I had been looking forward to this day for weeks, but now that it was here, I was inexplicably nervous.
My journal was clutched in my hand and I wondered how Dawson would take reading the contents. For as much as I fought the idea that first day in group, I ended up writing in it daily, sometimes two or three times depending on what was going on in my head. I was surprised by how much it had actually helped, so it was something I’d carry over into life outside the center. My group therapist had given me a smug, affectionate look when I’d come clean about that in our last session.
Meryl had gifted me a fancy leather-bound journal for a combo Christmas/Discharge Day present. She had become my surrogate mom during my stay, talking me through some of my hardest days here and even switching a shift around to be here on my last day. It was something I didn’t know I was missing. My own mother hadn’t reached out or said a word to me since shipping me back to Austin, but I couldn’t even be mad at her. Ijust didn’t care enough and in the end, that decision was the best one of my fucking life: it brought me back to Dawson.
Being two days away from Christmas felt a bit strange. I hadn’t been out in the world in a month, so I hadn’t been immersed in the typical holiday shopping music and over-the-top decorations that were everywhere. It felt like I had skipped over the last couple chapters in my book and I was trying to catch up to the storyline, not exactly sure what I had missed.
My veins thrummed with need as I impatiently waited for Dawson to arrive. Dad told me after our family therapy session yesterday that Dawson would be picking me up after discharge and I had lit up like the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.
I checked my phone for the time and saw he was almost fifteen minutes late. I mean…it wasn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things, but this was important, damn it! I needed to feel his lips on mine and his arms around me more than I needed oxygen.
A grunt of frustration left me when I called and only got his voicemail, but just then, I saw Dawson’s black truck turning onto the entrance road down the hill. I was damn near levitating by the time he pulled around the circular driveway and I raced around the back of the truck before he’d even stopped. I was about to fling myself into his arms when the door opened, but it wasn’t Dawson who stepped out of the driver’s seat.
“What the fuck?” I blurted as I stumbled back.
“You know, I take offense to that,” Nate said, crossing his arms. “Is Dawson the only one allowed to get a hug? I mean, I drove all this way to pick you up and deliver you to your man and I don’t even get a thank you or bro hug. I get a horrified curse. Nice.”
“Hold up, I thought Dawson was picking me up? What do you mean you’re ‘delivering’ me to him?”
“It means I’m cheaper than UPS. Where’s your stuff? You’ve got stuff, right?” Nate walked around the truck before I could answer and picked up my small suitcase to toss in the back seat.
Disappointment swamped me as I realized something must have come up to prevent Dawson from being there. Why hadn’t he at least called and let me know so I could have tempered my excitement and maybenotalmost attacked his friend’s face with my tongue?
I climbed into the front seat and buckled up as Nate did the same, shooting me a happy grin. “Alright, let’s boogie!”
He started down the drive, but slammed on the brakes not even two seconds later, pitching us forward.
“What the hell, man? What’s up?” I grumbled, rubbing my sternum where the seatbelt dug in from the force.
“I almost forgot!” he cried, leaning over to open the glovebox and grab something. He gave me a small square of black silk that unfurled in my hand.
“A blindfold?!”
Nate grinned wickedly. “Yep. Dawson says it’s payback time.”
I probably owed Dawson an apology.After wearing the offending blindfold the entire way back to the house, I was highly annoyed and a little bit queasy. At least he’d had a delightful date night playlist to listen to.
I had Nate.
Finally, I felt the car slow to a stop. I reached up to free my eyes, but was thwacked on the hand.
“Ouch! For why?”
“Hands off! The blindfold has to stay on until we get to our destination.”
I groaned like a toddler having to wait for dessert as Nate came around and helped me out of the truck. He led me by my elbow several feet before coming to an abrupt halt.
