Finally, he took a stuttering breath and a hint of a smile tugged at his lips.
“I’ll see you around?” he asked, a tinge of hope in his words. His face fell a bit when all I gave him was stony silence. I cleared my throat and went back to the golf cart. Without another look, I took off without answering him.
I had come home to get away and avoid all the shit in my life that was weighing down on me, but within a few hours Theo had managed to wreck it with his inescapable presence. My stomach sank with every inch of distance I put between us as an uneasy feeling burrowed into my gut that I’d just left my heart back at that barn, bleeding out in his hands.
Chapter 5
Theo
The door slammed shut behind me and the sound echoed sharply through the cavernous foyer. I kicked off my shoes with more force than necessary, both clunking against the wall loudly as I went in search of a drink.
My hand crept up to my chest, hating the cold feel of my skin without the comforting weight that had been there for years. My stomach soured recalling how Dawson had all but yanked his ring from my grasp. I had come dangerously close to begging him to take money, my car, even my arm in exchange. He’d ripped a lifeline from me without even blinking, without realizing what he was truly taking, and dread sank into my gut that I’d never get it back.
That was as impossible as winning back Dawson himself. That bridge burned long ago and I’d lit the match before I even realized what I had done.
Before I could reach the den and the whiskey cart that called to me like a Siren, I heard Dad’s low, throaty voice come around the corner.
“Hey kiddo, everything alright?”
“Sure,” I muttered. “Life is a fucking cabaret.”
“Did something happen? You seemed okay when you left the house earlier.” Dad’s brows knitted in concern and for some reason it only pulled another thread of my fraying patience.
“Well, that’s because I was high,” I responded flippantly with a cheeky grin. “Ahh, weed. The wonder of wonders, right?”
I turned to walk out to the back patio, hearing my name on a deep sigh of disappointment. I didn’t need to see the judgment smattered across his face to know it was there. It was all I was capable of provoking in others nowadays, along with healthy doses of cynicism and exasperation.
Every other thought that drilled into my stream of consciousness reminded me how much of a fuckup I was now, how difficult I had become to even exist around. I was always too much or not enough. No matter what I did to distract or numb myself, those thoughts felt like tiny shards embedding themselves in my head.
“Theo, please talk to me,” Dad implored as he followed me outside like I knew he would. Despite all the shit I’d put him through, he still cared and tried to be there for me. It was more than I could say for Mom. I still hadn’t heard from her since December when she banished me back to Austin. I’d even become too much for the woman who gave me life, but Dad still held on.
I wonder how much longer it’ll be before he loses faith in me too. What line will I inevitably cross that pushes him away with everyone else who gave up on me?
“Don’t wanna,” I grumbled, dropping onto a pool lounger. He took the one next to me, his body angled towards me with his forearms resting on his knees.
“Look, I know you only came to stay with me this summer because I asked you to?—”
Yeah, because even after moving out, you still don’t trust me to be alone…
“—and I don’t want to force you to talk to me, but I wish you would. You know I’d never judge you.”
You say that now, but if I let you in, you’ll see every bit of my chaos and I’ll lose you too…
“I know, Dad. There’s just not much to talk about. I’m in a shitty mood, that’s all. ”
“Are you still feeling okay after going back on your medication? You haven’t missed any, right?”
“Nope, I’m on it. I think I’m still adjusting to them. It takes a while, you know?” I lied as convincingly as I could. It had taken several months to get him to trust me and stop counting my pills when I moved back. That was a fucking headache I had no interest returning to.
“Yeah, I get it. And I know you’ve been doing well the last few months. I just worry about you,” he said softly. “Are you sure you’ll be okay while I’m gone this week? I’d cancel the trip if I could, but we’ve had this conference scheduled for months and I couldn’t get out of it.”
“No worries. I’m chill. I mean, what kind of trouble can I get into in a week?” I replied, shooting him a charming grin.
“God, let’s not answer that question, please. I’m too old for that level of stress,” he groaned, but I saw the smirk fighting to get through.
“Those forties really hit like a bitch, don’t they?” I joked. He rolled his eyes before studying my face intently.
“Promise me that you’ll call if you need me? You won’t hide it if it…gets bad again, right?”
