“Hey, don’t tell me you think it’s a bad thing after all,” I tease, a hint of concern in my voice.
He turns his head toward me, his eyes wide and a questioning look on his face.
His expression contorts with pain, and he clutches his chest. “Lina,” he wheezes, his voice strangled, his eyes bulging wide with fear.
My heart leaps into my throat, a violent surge of panic coursing through my veins. “Howie? Howie, what’s wrong?” I plead desperately. He crumples to the ground, and I collapse to my knees beside him, the raw terror within me intensifying. “Howie!”
He’s gasping for breath, his face turning a dark shade of red. Desperation fills me as I rack my brain for what to do, my whole body trembling with dread. I have no idea how to do CPR or if this is a heart attack, but I push his hands away from his chest and start compressions, pushing hard and fast in the center of his chest.
“Help! Someone, help!” I scream. Howie’s eyes have fallen shut, and even more panic grips me. “Don’t you fucking dare leave me here alone, Howard! Mary can wait a few more years for you. I need you more!” Tears cascade uncontrollably down my cheeks, my arms screaming in protest at me, and still, no one seems to have heard me. “Help! I need help! Please!” My scream breaks into a sob.
Gloria comes rushing out of the shelter, her face pale with concern when she sees us on the ground. “What happened?”
“He’s having a heart attack.” I sob, continuing the compressions. “Call 9-1-1!”
I maintain the relentless rhythm of compressions, my arms aching and trembling under the strain, but I don’t give a fuck. I will do this forever if I have to.
But I am terrified it won’t be enough.
After minutes that seem like hours, the ambulance arrives, and the paramedics rush over to us. One of them nudges me to the side to take over from me, and I let myself fall on my ass, hugging my knees to my chest and letting my head dip, panting hard. Exhaustion, panic, and despair hit me all at once. It feels like there is a hole in my chest, and my heart is ready to stop too.
I can’t do this without him.
The paramedics work quickly and efficiently to stabilize Howie and prepare to transport him to the hospital. Two of them lift him onto the stretcher while my gaze follows them.
The third paramedic crouches beside me, tilting his head to look at me, his expression kind. “Hey, you okay? You did well. You—” He stops when my eyes meet his. “Fuck, you’re X’s girl.” I look at him and find it’s the paramedic I nearly ran over with Xander’s truck. My throat seems closed up, and all I can do is whimper at the pain in my chest. “Come on,” he beckons, standing and pulling me to my feet. “You should come with me. X would kill me if I just let you sit on the street like that.”
I nod, feeling numb as I climb into the ambulance. As we speed toward the hospital, I can’t help but feel shattered.
Howie is more than just a friend to me.
He’s my family.
And I can’t lose him too.
THIRTY-EIGHT
“I am just saying,I saw your dick at least a hundred times over the years,” Clay relates, not letting go of the topic he is annoying me with.
I roll my eyes. “I bet it wasn’t a hundred times. And it was in the locker room or something, not like this.”
We are sitting in the police car in front of Donny’s, waiting for Carolina to finish her shift. I haven’t heard from her since she sent a text to the group chat in the early afternoon, so it must have been a busy shift, even though it’s a Tuesday, and it doesn’t look like there are many people inside.
We are already done for the day, so Clay is nagging me to give in and sleep in their room tonight as we wait for her.
“Listen, bro, I am very good at sharing, you know that. And I absolutely agree that once in a while, everyone should have some alone time with her. But I cannot see why I should only have her every other night just because you are dick shy.”
“I am not dick shy,” I grumble, my agitation rising.
“It doesn’t have to be sex all the time either. I just want her sleeping next to me. I somehow need her there to know she is safe,” Clay admits softly.
“I get that. Even though I knew she was with you two, I was still somehow worried about her safety,” I agree, recalling how miserably I slept without Carolina. I am already used to sleeping with her in my arms.
“See? You get it. And if we all just slept in the same bed, there wouldn’t be a problem. You know our bed is made for Xander’s big ass, and we have some space left for you guys,” he responds, pulling out his phone to check for texts.
“Fuck, Clay, I don’t know. I never slept with more than one person, had sex while someone else was in the room, or watched someone else having sex besides in porn.” I huff. “Maybe I am just insecure? I mean, you guys have fucked so many girls and know exactly how to make her enjoy being shared by you. What would I do there? I would freeze or fuck up, and she would inevitably compare us to one another—” I feel a sharp pang on the back of my head. “Ow, what the fuck, dickhead?”
“Stop that shit right now. Wow, you and Carolina are a pair.” He shakes his head. “Josh, I will only say this once. I heard how you made her whimper and moan. I know you are good in bed. Now shut up.” I smirk at him. “Fuck, now stop it! You and Carolina are going to sleep in our bed tonight. And we are just going to sleep. Nothing will happen. And tomorrow you can tell me if it was as bad as you thought it would be. We had sleepovers as kids all the time, and you loved them.”
