I stare at him, surprised. “He hasn’t?”
He shakes his head. “No, maybe he came another week or two after you asked if he could have a tab, but since then, he just disappeared.”
What the hell?
“Okay, well, that’s unfortunate. How much do I owe you for the times he did come in?” I ask.
“Forget it, Carolina. Good riddance. I really hope he’s lying in a ditch somewhere.” He shrugs, continuing to clean the counter.
“Are you sure? And no, I don’t think the universe is that kind to us,” I mutter.
He laughs. “I am sure. Karma always finds a way. Sometimes, it just needs to ask for directions first.”
“True,” I agree, turning to leave but stopping at the door. “Thank you, Bernie.”
Since this took much less time and money than I anticipated, I decided to grab some burgers from a real fast-food place and surprise Howie with them.
As I head through the bustling city streets to the subway station, my thoughts can’t seem to stop. Why would Roberto just stop drinking out of nowhere? I remember the night he carved my arm, how he was sober then, so much more precise with his anger. I never really thought about why that was, but the timeline with what Bernie just told me seems to fit.
What is happening?
What am I missing?
I ponder for a while longer, but nothing I come up with makes remotely any sense, so I try to clear my head the last few steps to the shelter.
Howie is sitting on one of the three steps leading up to the door.
“Hey, grumpy,” I greet, noticing the expression on his face, and sit down next to him. “Fix your face, or I won’t give you this,” I tease, holding out the burger to him.
His eyes light up at the sight of the package, and a smile spreads across his face. “Oh, we being fancy today?”
“Yes, yes, we are.” I sigh, smiling as I open the package and take a bite.
“What’s the occasion?” he asks, taking a bite of his burger. “Damn, these are just so much better.”
“I know, right?” I agree, my mouth full. “It’s payday, and since Roberto apparently doesn’t drink at his local bar anymore, I had some money left over.”
“And you decided to spend it on me?” he asks, looking at me skeptically.
“No better way to do it.” I shrug, taking another bite. Once we’re done, I take the packaging and walk over to a trash can before returning to sit next to him. “Now, why the grumpy mood?” I ask.
“I am not grumpy,” he grunts out, his voice carrying a hint of irritation.
“Wow, you totally convinced me there.” I smirk teasingly.
“I just can’t stay inside there anymore, Lina. It feels suffocating, like a cage. I know I should be grateful for a place to sleep and food, and I feel awful saying this, but I can’t do it anymore. It’s dragging me down. And I thought the only thing that could drag me deeper than this life was being six feet under.”
“Howie,” I say, my heart aching for him. “I didn’t know it was that bad. I am sure I could figure out something.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. You don’t have to do anything. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Howie—” I start, but he cuts me off, redirecting the conversation.
“No, I mean it. How are the boyfriends?”
I smile down at my hands. “Good.”
“That’s good, kid. That’s good.” He nods but then suddenly starts to frown.
