“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?” he asks, reaching out with his other hand to wipe away a tear, but I take a step back.
“I messed up,” I admit, a sob escaping me. “I am so sorry.” I lower my gaze, unable to meet his eyes.
“No, it’s all my fault. I couldn’t stay away. She didn’t even want to—” Clay begins, but Xander interrupts him, gripping him by the throat and turning his face to lock eyes with him.
“Did you just say she didn’t want to?” Xander’s tone is icy.
“No, fuck! Stop it, Clay. Of course, I wanted to. That’s the whole fucking problem!” I yell, my frustration peaking, and Xander releases Clay.
I turn my gaze to Joshua, who looks at me with furrowed brows. “Can we please talk? Alone?” I ask, my voice trembling.
His expression softens, and he motions toward the stairs. “Let’s go upstairs.”
In heavy silence, we head upstairs, and my heart sinks with each step. I don’t know if Joshua is too sleepy to understand the gravity of what is about to unfold because he simply holds my hand tenderly like he always does. It only makes this harder.
We enter his room, and he closes the door behind me before he returns to his bed, opening the covers and inviting me to join him.
“Joshua, we really need to talk. I fucked up,” I whisper, struggling to hold back my tears as they stream down my face.
“We can talk, but right now, what I need more than anything is to hold you,” he insists, his voice filled with warmth. “Come here.”
“But once you know what I’ve done, you won’t even want to be near me anymore,” I protest, wringing my hands.
“I highly doubt that. Come here,” Joshua repeats, his tone gentle yet firm.
“We’re going to argue, and it’s hard to argue while we’re cuddling,” I state.
“We’re not going to argue. We’re going to talk things out, and that works best while cuddling. Now bring your beautiful butt over here and let me hold you,” he insists with a hint of amusement.
A laugh escapes me, followed by a sniffle, and I comply, climbing onto the bed and slipping under the covers. He pulls me into his side, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. “My Carolina, what makes you hurt so much?” he whispers.
“That I hurt you, that I messed up. I promised you I wouldn’t do anything, and yet… I had sex with Clay last night,” I confess, my voice heavy with regret, my heart squeezing.
Joshua hums softly against my hair, pulling me even closer. “Are you going to leave me for him?” he asks, his voice calm and gentle.
I lean back, my eyes widening in shock. “What? You should be the one leaving me!”
“That wasn’t the question,” he replies, pushing a strand of hair away from my face. “Are you going to leave me to be with him?”
“No, never. I love you,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face once more.
He strokes my cheek tenderly. “And do you love him in the same way you love me?”
I bite my lip, lowering my gaze, but after a moment, I nod. “I do,” I admit, the tears a river as my breath catches on a sob.
“And what about Xander? Do you love him the same way you love Clay and me?” he asks gently.
A sob escapes me. “I’m so sorry,” I manage to say through tears.
“Shh… shh… Carolina,” he murmurs, pulling me close and kissing my forehead. “That’s the right answer. I already told you I’m open to trying this with all of us. I told you I want you to explore what might be between you guys.”
“I promised you it would only be us, and I broke that promise,” I whisper, my voice filled with guilt.
He chuckles softly, his laughter filled with tenderness. “You never had a chance of keeping that promise. Clay is a persistent asshole, and Xander devours you with his gaze. I’m surprised it took this long.”
“How can you be so calm about this?” I ask him, bewildered.
He shrugs. “I wasn’t at first. I was goddamn furious when I found out while you were in the hospital. To be honest, our friendship nearly went to hell because we all fell for the same amazing woman, and I didn’t want to accept that,” he confesses, his voice tinged with regret.
