“No, it’s not about what you did. It’s about the promises I made and whatIdid,” she nearly cries, her voice trembling on the verge of panic.
“Carolina, I’ll take you home. You can take a shower, get some sleep, and then we can talk to Josh together. Going to him like this will only make everything worse,” I try to soothe, realizing the gravity of the situation.
This really could have been too much. I need to have a conversation with Xander too. I fucked up badly.Again.But still, I can’t regret what just happened.
She nods, biting her lip and hugging herself tightly before whispering, “You’re right. Okay. I need to go back inside and end my shift.”
“Should I come with you? I can stay and bring you home after,” I offer, reaching out to touch her cheek, but she takes a step back.
“No, thank you. Please go home. Good night,” she quickly dismisses, turning and heading back inside.
“Kitten!” I call out, but the door closes behind her before I can say anything more.
TWENTY-FIVE
After my shift,I take a hot shower, but it does nothing to wash away the guilt weighing on me. What’s worse, I can’t deny the connection I felt with Clay. It goes deeper than anything physical.
Since I was home so late, Joshua slept in his room. And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. I haven’t slept a wink, overwhelmed with the gravity of what I’ve done and alone.
I ruined everything.
Just like I thought I would.
Joshua is going to hate me. I hate myself for what I did. I am not one to break promises. And here I am, betraying the one that was made for me. All because I can’t control my feelings for his best friend.
It’s early morning, and I can’t take it anymore. Getting out of bed, I get somewhat ready to go over to their side of the house and tell Joshua what I did.
I pound on the door to their side of the duplex, tears of anger streaming down my face, my frustration directed mostly at myself. And maybe a bit toward Clay. As I think that, the door swings open, revealing the man himself, disheveled and sleepy-looking, wearing only sweatpants with his bare chest on display.
I’m proud of myself for not getting distracted by his sculpted abs—too furious to feel anything else.
His sleepy eyes widen as he takes in the sight of me. “Kitten, what are you—” I push past him, storming into the house, determined to find Joshua. But as I reach the stairs, Clay grabs my wrist and pulls me back. “What are you doing? Are you okay?” he asks, genuine concern etched across his face.
“I’m going to do what I should have done hours ago and tell him what the hell I did,” I shout, tears streaming down my face.
“Whatwedid, Carolina. We both played a part in it, and we can tell him together, maybe tonight at dinner? After we’ve all had some time to think,” Clay suggests, his voice pleading.
“No! You already convinced me to wait, but I’m not going to drag this out any longer,” I snap, forcefully pulling my wrist out of his grip.
“What’s going on?” Xander’s voice interrupts as he comes down the stairs, wearing nothing but black boxers.
His tattooed, muscular body is on full display, his shoulder-length hair framing his face.
I might have swooned if the situation wasn’t already so messed up.
I bite my lip, crossing my arms over my chest, and avert my gaze to the floor. I’m angry at Clay, but it’s ultimately his decision whether to tell Xander. I won’t betray Clay and ruin their relationship by telling Xander the truth.
“It’s okay. I already told him when I got home,” Clay reassures, reaching out for me.
I take a step back, meeting Xander’s gaze. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper before turning my attention back to Clay, anger boiling within me. “You told me not to rush into this, not to come here and spill everything, to sleep on it. But you went home and did exactly what I should have?” My voice escalates, and I yell at him in frustration.
“He’s my goddamn boyfriend, Carolina!” Clay shouts back at me.
“And Joshua is mine, but I fucking ruined it!” I yell back, voice breaking.
“Hey, hey, hey. Enough yelling, guys,” Xander scolds, positioning himself between us, attempting to diffuse the tension.
Just then, Joshua comes to the top of the stairs, chest bare, only in his navy sleep pants. He looks adorably sleepy, rubbing his eyes and yawning before he notices me. Instantly, he’s awake, rushing down the stairs to my side, placing a finger under my chin to lift my face, scanning it intently.
