I toss the journal back into my pile of clothes and keep my eyes trained on the wall in front of me. “Okay, so, talk.”
He pauses. I’m sure he’s noticed that I’m not looking at him. I don’t want to get sucked into those deep brown eyes of his. He’s got a way about him that makes me want to follow him into fire, and he can exact his will with just a tilt of his head. I can’t let that happen this time. I’m going to listen to him, but I need to stay objective.
“The moment I saw her,” he says, “I knew I couldn’t do it. That Iwouldn’tdo it. You need to understand that. There’s nothingon this earth that would have made me betray your brother’s memory that way.”
I nod. “So, then, what was the plan?”
“Excuse me?”
“You saw her. Realized that it was her you were supposed to kill, and then what? Did you get back in your car and drive to my father to tell him to fuck off, then? Clearly, that didn’t happen.”
“Truthfully, there wasn’t time to think that far ahead. In that moment, the only thing I knew was that Marla was in danger and I needed to warn her.” He steps closer to me and sits on the edge of the bed. The whole thing shifts under his weight. I scoot a couple of inches away from him to give myself space.
“I was only told that my target would be wearing a red jacket,” he continues. “And that she would get a phone call when she walked out of the bank. Sure enough, she walked out, and the second I realized she was the target, I went to her.”
“To shoot her?”
“To talk to her,” he says, his words measured. “I guess I thought there might have been a chance that she wasn’t the target and just happened to be wearing the wrong jacket on the wrong day. None of that mattered, though, because I only got a few steps away when a gunshot went off behind me and hit her in the neck.”
I flinch and turn my head away. I didn’t want that image in my mind, and the unexpected description throws me. “I’m sorry, Tati,” he says. “That’s how it happened.”
My eyes are stinging with tears. I swallow hard in an effort to stop them. “Go on.”
He pauses, then his voice is softer. “She died in my arms. There was no helping her. She was gone in seconds. But she stayed conscious long enough to give me that key. When I realized what it was, I hid it thinking that once I knew more and once I felt the coast was clear, I’d go back and see what was in the safety deposit box.”
Dammit. The tears are coming anyway. Fuck. I wipe my face and look over at him. He’s not looking at me. He’s leaning over his knees, looking down at the floor.
“So… that’s your story?”
“That’s the truth.”
“Why would my father tell you to kill Marla? He knows that you and Nicki were close. He had to know you’d have a problem with that.”
He shrugs and says, “At first I thought it was to test my loyalty. Now I’m pretty sure he was setting me up to punish me for being with you.”
I scoff and stand up. “That’s another thing. How would he even have known about us, anyway? If he knew we had something going on, there’s no way he would have had you chaperone me. He’d have shipped me off to Siberia if he’d even suspected.”
“Your father is a calculating man,” he says. “There’s a good chance he was waiting to see if I would be stupid enough to make a mistake that he could catch me in.”
“You’re so full of shit, Viktor.” I say it with a scowl. I’m so tired of these fucking spy games, I could vomit. “You know something? Maybe that story might work for some doe-eyed girl who thinks the big, bad wolf is cool, but I grew up in this shit. I know whatyou are. I know what you do. And most importantly, I know who you are loyal to above all. My father gave you a fucking order and now you’re telling me that you actively disobeyed him? After killing for him for all these years?”
“I’m telling you what happened,” he says, standing up and towering over me. His voice starts to boom with bass as he speaks. “Tati, what could I possibly gain by lying to you now? No matter what happens from this point on, we’re stuck together if you want to live and we both know it. Or else, good fucking luck out there on your own.”
Something in that stings me worse than I expect and I bark back, “Take that back.”
“The fuck I will. Nikolai is a monster and now we both know it. His man took a shot at you, atme.” He pulls his collar to one side to show me the fresh scar on his neck. “No matter what happens after tonight, my allegiance to him is over. That said, I have nothing to gain by lying to you about what happened.”
“You’d gain me,” I say, my voice starting to crack. “Isn’t that right? At least after all this, you’d still get the girl. Well, it’s not gonna be that easy, Viktor.I’mnot that easy.”
I’m crying. Shit. The tears are just coming with these big sobs from my chest. I watch as his face softens and he steps toward me, reaching out to pull me back. “Come on?—”
“No.” I jerk away from him, backing away until the bathroom door is in view, and I retreat, slamming it behind me and locking myself in.
I stumble to the toilet and sit on the lid, tears running down my face. I don’t know who to trust and I don’t know where to go. How do I get out of this? HowcanI get out of this?
After a few minutes, I hear him through the door.
“This isn’t over, Tati. You and me… we’re not over.”
