“Says you.” I say it low, my voice creaking under the stress.
“I meant what I said back in the apartment. I’ll die before I let them touch you.”
He sounds like he means it. Healwayssounds like he means it. How can I believe him? What if all this is just a ruse to get me to come out so he can take me out himself so he can crawl back to my father for forgiveness?
“Tanechka,” he says, and suddenly, I hear the desperation and heartbreak in his voice. “Open the door, love.”
“No,” I say, but it comes out as a whisper. “I can’t.” My hand covers my stomach again. The baby I’ve been working so hard to keep, to protect… who am I protecting it from?
“You’re so fucking stubborn.” He says it with a little laugh. Then he goes quiet. I sit in the same silence with nothing but the sound of my sniffling to keep me company.
“That day I first saw you after all these years,” he says softly, “climbing out of a second-story window in a dress that was flowing in the breeze, flashing that little red thong to all the world, I remember my first thought was that Nikolai was on a date gone wrong. That some young thing he brought home was trying to escape.”
That almost makes me chuckle. I swallow it back down.
“Then you turned around and… I’ve never been stopped on a dime like that before. You had me,Tanechka. From that very moment, I was locked in, whether I wanted to be or not.”
I look down at my hands. I remember that night just as if it just happened. Seeing him and thinking about all my teenage fantasies about him…
“You make it sound like love at first sight,” I say.
“Maybe it was because every time I look at you now, I feel the same way as I did in that moment.” He stops, letting the sentence hang between us.
Did… did he just say that he loves me? Is that what he’s trying to tell me?
“Tanechka—”
“Stop,” I say. “Please, Viktor, don’t say any more.”
He whispers my name again, and I start to weep. If he loves me… if he really loves me… can it all be okay?
It’s such a risk. I hold my stomach, wondering if it would be worth it for him to know. Will it change all these flowered words of love for me?
I stand up and go to the door. The moment my hand touches the knob, I start to doubt again. Once I let him in, that has to be it. There’s no turning back. There’s no second-guessing. We’re in this together right to the end or we’re not doing any of this at all.
I’m up for forever if he is. But before we even get there, I need to tell him. He’s gotta know about the baby.
I take in a shaky breath… and unlock the door.
It opens and he’s standing there, so tall that I’d have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him if he doesn’t lean in. Shoulders as broad as the door. The light behind him from the windows reflect half of his face as he leans against the doorframe.
It’s almost symbolic, this wall protecting me from everything out there that wants to hurt me. I hope I’m not wrong about him.
I take a breath and say, “I’m… I’m pregnant.”
