He shrugs one shoulder, shifting his eyes out to the water again as Winston splashes around with his ball. “No, but… it’s helped me realize why I’ve been so scared of you. And so angry.”
I nod as a million thoughts and feelings seem to move through me at once. But none of them matter. If he wants to tell me he can, and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t have to. The fact that he’s here and told me this much is more than enough.
Just as I’m about to open my mouth and tell him he doesn’t have to tell me anything, he turns back to me.
“Before Dad got me, I was left alone a lot,” he says, the words rushing out of him like he can’t let them sit on his tongue too long. “And I guess… I learned that people leave and nothing is safe.”
My stomach tightens as my breaths come a little quicker, but I just stay quiet and listen as he continues.
“And then Mom left, and… I couldn’t get close to her because I needed to protect myself, and when she left…”
I watch as his thoughts seem to come quicker than he can voice them, and he sighs heavily as he drops his eyes and rubs a hand over his forehead like he’s trying to slow everything down.
“She left and I thought that meant that I’m not worth staying for because I never was. And when you left, I…” He shakes his head.
But I know. He doesn’t need to finish that thought.
When I left, it reopened those wounds.
“They left me in the dark,” he says quietly. “But you never did. It was never dark with you.” He pauses, and his watery eyes meet mine again. “I made you unsafe in my head because I’m scared that if I get too close, you’ll leave again. And I’ll be back in the dark, all alone.”
I bite the inside of my cheek as I try not to let my own tears spill over while my heart fucking breaks for him.
“Silas…” I shake my head slowly as I look into his eyes. “There’s no way I’d ever go through losing you again. You’re worth everything. And if you’ll let me, I'll always be the one who turns the light on. I'm not going anywhere.”
Before I know it, Silas steps forward and wraps his arms around me.
I immediately pull him close, holding him tight against me as I hug him back and breathe him in, barely able to believe he’s finally back in my arms. We’ve shared this hug so many times in our lives, and each time I’ve locked it away as a memory I’ll never forget. But this one… this is something else entirely. The familiar presence of him is so comforting and overwhelming that I can’t help it when a swell of emotion almost has a sob breaking free from my chest. The distance and hurt that spent so much time growing between us are now closing as we find our way back to what we used to be.
I hold him tighter as I feel his strength and how much he’s grown. And not just in his body, but in everything. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. He’s the same and different all at once. But the love I have for him has never changed. And holding him here in this familiar spot on our beach, with the lighthouse just down the shore and the waves gently lapping against the sand, I feel it.
I feel like I’m trulyhome.
And I never want to leave again.
Eventually, we pull apart, and when his eyes meet mine, a tear tracks down his cheek. He reaches up to brush it away and gives me a small, soft smile.
And this time, with this smile, I can tell the walls he’s been hiding behind have been brought down.
I’m in complete awe of this man in front of me. The boy I grew up loving so fiercely only became stronger despite everything life threw at him. He's a fighter in every sense of the word, and I never want to step away from him again.
And fuck, he’s beautiful to look at.
Suddenly, we’re sprayed by cold, sandy, salt water as Winston shakes himself out right beside us.
“Argh!” I throw my arms up over my face, ready to give Winston an earful for that.
But I don’t. Because Silas’s laugh fills the air, and I simply drop my arms and let the water hit me as I watch Silas’s face light up with a smile.
Winston drops his ball at Silas’s feet and springs back into a play bow with his tail wagging furiously, as his eyes flick between Silas and the ball with barely contained urgency.
Silas reaches down, picks it up, and throws it back into the water. Winston tears off after it, kicking sand my way as he goes.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” I yell after him, throwing my arm up again to block my face.
But Silas chuckles again, which has a smile spreading over my face.
And as we stand here watching Winston, with Silas throwing the ball each time he comes barrelling back out of the water, things start to feel like they're supposed to again.
