A rustling sound behind me pulls me from my thoughts, and I turn.
Silas steps out from the path onto the sand, and when his eyes land on me, he goes still.
“Hey,” he says, and tingles spread through every inch of my body.
“Hey,” I say back, hoping it doesn’t sound as hopeful and breathless as it feels.
Winston comes running from the water, shaking himself mid-stride as he makes a beeline straight for Silas with his ball in his mouth and his tail wagging so hard his whole body moves with it.
Silas bends down to greet him, completely unbothered by the wet, salty mess of his fur, and I just watch, frozen with anticipation as I try to make sense of what it means that he's here.
He gives Winston one more pat before glancing up at me, and I’m surprised by the look in his eyes. The fear and uncertainty he’s been carrying seem to have quieted and have been replaced by something new. But I can’t quite read it.
“I saw you coming down here,” he says, standing up straight again.
My heart thumps hard. “Yeah?”
Silas nods, then lowers his gaze to Winston, who has dropped his ball directly at his feet. He bends down to pick it up and launches it into the water, and I take the opportunity to let my eyes fall to where his hoodie rides up just above his belt, showing a sliver of skin. A surge of electricity moves through me at the sight, and I ride that feeling as I let my gaze travel up his arm as he follows through with the throw, then pull my eyes back to his as he turns to face me again.
And when he takes a step closer to me, I can’t help but pull a deep breath in.
The late sun highlights the soft freckles across his nose and the flecks of gold in his hazel eyes, and I have to physically resist the pull to close the distance between us and get close enough to see every detail, every shift of light, and every flicker of emotion moving through him.
Silas holds my gaze, like he’s studying me the same way I'm studying him.
If he only knew the thoughts going on in my head…
“I’ve been scared,” he says.
I nod, releasing my breath as a feeling of relief flows through me. I already knew he was, but… he’stalkingto me about it. He came here, he followed me, and he’s initiating whatever this is. It feels like we’re teetering on the edge of something massive right now, and all I can do is stay perfectly still and wait to see which way we fall.
Silas turns his head to look out at the water, and my eyes move over his face, taking in everything I can about him. A heaviness settles over him as he stares past Winston to the horizon, and I desperately want to reach out and hug him.
“I learned some things last night,” Silas says quietly, still not looking at me.
And almost immediately, he disappears.
The look I’ve seen in him so many times when things get too hard in his mind and he needs to escape the pain. His eyes go distant, his body stills, and it’s like he’s somewhere else entirely. Somewhere inside himself.
Without thinking, I step forward and rest my hand on his back. The feeling of him under my touch feels like home as I gently press my hand against him and give him the comforting touch I know he needs in these moments to work through whatever his mind is trying to protect him from.
He blinks a couple times and releases a breath, then brings his gaze back to meet mine.
“About why I am the way I am,” he says eventually.
My brow creases slightly as I look at him, unsure what he means by that. But I don’t ask. I just keep my hand on his back and wait.
“I said you became unsafe,” he says, dropping his gaze from mine. “But… that’s not really true.”
Something builds inside me as we tip closer to the edge we’re standing on, but I hold myself together to let him continue.
“You just felt unsafe because I used to be left all the time and it made me scared,” he says, his brow furrowing as he shifts his weight.
I have no idea what he means by that, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from asking him. Because it looks like he’s processing this all out loud and working through something tough. He used to do this all the time with me, just like this… and I know exactly what he needs. He needs me to just be here, keep him present, and let him get there on his own.
“Dad told me about my adoption,” Silas says, lifting his eyes to meet mine again, and I swear my heart stops.
“Oh,” I breathe, my eyes flicking between his as I try to get a read on him. “Are you… ok?”
