Do you come here much?What the fuck kind of question is that? Jesus, it’s like I’m a teenager on a first date.
Silas looks at me like he also can’t believe I asked that question and I let out a laugh, rubbing a hand over my face.
“Fuck,” I mutter, dropping my hand with a smile. “Yeah, fair. Dumb question.”
He shrugs one shoulder, glancing around. “Not really. I haven’t been here since we were here last.”
I stare back at him, letting that sink in.
The last time we were here together was when I was home for Christmas during my third year of university. Five years ago.
“Oh,” I say quietly, and Silas just nods, looking down at the coaster in his hands as he runs his thumb along the edge.
An awkward silence stretches between us, and my mind seems to go completely blank as I try to come up with something to say.
“Here you go,” the waitress appears again, setting our beer down in front of us. “Can I get you anything else?”
“I think we’re good for now,” I say when Silas doesn’t respond.
“Alright, let me know if you change your mind. Enjoy.”
She disappears into the hum of the pub, leaving us alone again in silence.
I reach out and pick up my beer, watching Silas as he does the same and brings it to his lips. And I nearly forget to take a drink of my own as I watch his throat bob with his swallow.
And my head nearly fucking explodes as a million thoughts suddenly slam into me.
He’sSilas. I grew up with him. He was my best friend, and we were inseparable since we were three years old. I’ve seen the bad and the ugly, the good and the beautiful, and everything in between. And I still feel him in my bones as if time didn’t tear us apart. This whole situation feels like some insane second chance,like life picked me up and dropped me right where I’m meant to be. I could have ended up anywhere, yet I’m back here, in PEI, at his farm. In my home. This has to mean something.
And apparent attraction aside—which is a complete mindfuck on its own—I know what I need to do right now. I need to bridge this gap and close it. I know him, even if he thinks I don’t. I know he’s struggling, and I know he’s drowning in the same confusion I feel.
I’ll deal with my lingering gaze on his glistening lips later.
I drop my gaze to the table and pull in a breath. “So,” I start, looking up at him as his hazel eyes land on me, and I catch the anticipation in them, as if he’s been bracing for this since he walked in here. “We both think we left each other.”
The fear in him is clear right away, as his shoulders tighten and his fingers curl tighter around his beer glass, and I lean forward to close the distance between us as much as I can.
“I just want to talk about it,” I say gently. “I don’t want to fight. I just… I just want to understand.”
He swallows, and his chest rises and falls before he nods. “Me too.”
Relief washes over me, and I nod as well. “Ok.”
But then I have no idea what else to say. And clearly, he doesn’t either, as he starts picking at his fingers, and it looks like it’s taking everything for him to justbehere.
“I…” I start, trying to sort through the thoughts in my head. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, but now that he’s sitting right here, everything is a jumbled mess. But when he lifts his eyes to meet mine again, the mix of want, need, fear, and desperation I see in them pulls my focus back into place.
“I think we both didn’t handle it as well as we could have,” I say.
Silas nods, looking down at his beer. “Yeah.”
My mind wanders back to that day on the beach, and how everything collapsed in just a few brutal minutes. How Silas walked away and told me I’d already left him. I’ve replayed that moment in my head so many times, trying to make sense of it… but the only version that matters is the one he can give me.
“Did you really think I chose to leave you?” I ask.
He looks up at me, and the pain in his eyes hits me right in the chest.
He shakes his head, then sighs and shifts his gaze out over the pub. “Well, at the time… yeah. But I also knew you had to leave. I knew your life wasn’t here.”
