I just shift my attention back to the yard where Winston is running around with his toy, tossing it in the air and running after it. I don’t even want to bother with any of that right now.
“Did everyone get salad?” Mom asks, placing the bowl in the middle of the outdoor dining table and scanning everyone’s plates. Then her eyes lock on Keigan. “Keigan. Salad.”
He sighs and holds his plate out, and she loads it up with a large portion of salad. His face twists in disgust, and Dad lets out a low chuckle beside me.
I lean forward and pick up my fork, trying to shake off the nagging sadness I’m feeling. My family is all here, in Mom and Dad’s backyard, with the sun shining, enjoying a delicious meal that Mom cooked. I should be happy.
But I’m not.
I’m worried. Because I just keep thinking about Silas. And us.
After talking to Brock last night, I could see it and feel it in him. How he panicked and spiralled, and his deep-rooted beliefs took over. I don’t know if I managed to convince him that our families are not going to act that way, but I was able to calm him down and keep him from disappearing. But… he was still distant and hard to reach.
I hate how much it’s hard-wired into him that people will abandon him for him simply being himself.
And Ihatethat Brock had to say that shit when Silas could hear it. I’m not even upset that Brock said those things tome,because I don’t care what he thinks. He can go fuck himself. We weren’t even close. He was just one of those people to grab a drink with and stand next to at a concert. I didn’t lose anything there.
Which only makes everything so much clearer.
Life in Toronto never meant anything. It was a placeholder, and nothing more. I have no desire to return, and I haven’t even thought about it since I’ve been back.
Because I’m meant to be here.Thisis my home.
I’m meant to be on red sand beaches and open farm fields… with Silas.
My gaze shifts around the table, taking in my family wearing smiles and laughing as Keigan shares a story about his recent adventures waterskiing.
And it’s perfect. This is perfect. Sitting here with my family, just being together and being ourselves… exactly who we need to be, in a safe space, with safe people. These people I love with my entire heart.
And who Iknowwould accept me no matter what.
“So, I’m bi.”
Everyone stops talking, and all eyes land on me.
For fuck’s sake. I could have said that better.
Actually. No.
Fuck the filter.
This is me.
I look between Mom, Dad, Jade, and Keigan as they all share glances, and silence stretches over the table.
Keigan sets his fork down and draws his brows together as he looks at me. “So… that’s why you don’t want a dating profile?” he asks. Then he throws his hands in the air. “Well, shit, dude, that’s fine. We can jazz it up a bit for the fellas. No worries there.”
Jade bursts out laughing, and Mom turns to Keigan with confusion written all over her face.
“Dating profile?” she asks him.
“We’re trying to hook him up,” Keigan says simply, gesturing towards me.
Dad huffs and shakes his head, lifting his beer to his mouth. “Let him live.”
My eyes dart between all of them as I just sit here like a useless lump, and my brain takes its time to catch up to what’s happening.
Even though I knew they would be ok with this, intense relief flows through me that they are, in fact, ok with this.
