The sound of his motorcycle starting up rumbles through the walls… then fades into the distance.
And suddenly… everything crumbles.
I slide down the wall until I’m sitting on the floor, as grief, anger, and sadness crash over me. My head drops into my hands as tears break free, and my chest heaves under the weight of everything.
Because I’m alone.
And I don’t want to be.
FORTY-TWO
The water churnsbelow as I lean against the ferry railing, watching the deep navy swirl with shades of black and flickers of light. The sun is quickly sinking over the horizon, stealing the glow until the flickers vanish one by one. And as I watch the water darken, all I can see are gorgeous, ocean blue eyes.
The ones I left yesterday that were dull, sad, confused, and full of questions that neither of us had the answers to.
But I had to leave him there, and I had to go.
I led him straight into danger and put his life at risk. And the worst part is, I don’t think he cares about that. He doesn’t care about his own life enough to realize what could have really happened to him yesterday, and that he could have been taken from everyone who loves him.
And I would have been the one responsible.
I want to believe I can keep him safe, and that I can hold him and the rest of this world at the same time. But I’m not sure I can save him from his own thoughts and actions. And that terrifies me more than anything else.
I should be there with him… but I have to be here.
And both feel like the wrong fucking choice.
“Hey.”
I turn as Mac approaches, the wind tugging at his hair as he leans against the railing next to me.
“Just heard from Kurt,” he says. “Him and Dom are in Halifax now. They’re meeting with the Black Tides tomorrow.”
“That was quick,” I say, shifting my gaze back out to the ocean as it stretches ahead, looking like it never ends. We had a six-hour drive from Fredericton to Cape Breton to board this sixteen-hour ferry ride to Newfoundland. And we’ve only been on this boat for two hours so far. So it’s going to be a while before we even know if the Torngat Wraiths will meet with us.
And that ask won’t be easy. It’s going to take a show of strength to give them a reason to trust us. And maybe a reason to fear us.
“He’ll call after they meet,” Mac says. “If the Black Tides are in, and the Wraiths bite too, Kurt wants to pull everyone to Newfoundland so we can set something in stone right away.”
“Good.” I nod, watching the sun dip behind a streak of clouds that bleed orange into purple and navy, like fire spreading across the sky. The last of the light fractures across the surface of the water, scattering orange and yellow over the rippling water until it all turns into darkness in the distance. “We can’t waste any time on this. The Sons are waiting for our retaliation, and when it doesn’t come, they’re going to know something’s up.”
Mac lets out a long sigh. “Yeah. I know.”
We’re both quiet as we continue to watch the sky darken in front of us while the sun sinks lower, slowly dragging the last of the light with it. The surface of the water starts turning black and glassy as the sun’s reflection gets smaller and smaller, and the only sound is the rhythmic slap of waves against the hull.
“You ok?” Mac asks, breaking the silence.
“No,” I say.
He turns to face me, but I don’t look at him.
“What happened?” he presses. “Does he want out? Is it too much? Because… right now, it is… we all get that. But once we get this all?—”
“That’s not it.” I shake my head slowly, then turn my head to look at him. “It’s the complete opposite.”
He draws his brows together and waits for me to explain.
But I shift my gaze back to the water and draw in a breath. “I love him.”
