His eyes fly up to meet mine. “You were.”
I sigh and lift my hand to rub my forehead, not sure how to tell him the only time I’ve ever felt understood and like myself is in his hands. That despite his life, and despite the violence, crime, and danger… It’s all I want. It’s all I need.
I’ve only ever felt safe with him.
“Do you realize how serious this is?” Alder’s voice cuts through my thoughts.
I drop my hand and look at him. He’s watching me with a furrowed brow, still standing by the doorway like he’s holding himself back from getting any closer.
“Of course I fucking do,” I snap. “I was there. I know what this means for you.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I mean, do you realize you could have died today?”
I stare back at him and clench my jaw.
I do.
And that doesn’t scare me like I know it should.
Fear slid somewhere out of reach, buried by something louder. The gunshots ringing in my ears and Alder’s body pressed to mine felt more like a pulse than a threat. My own life felt like an afterthought, even though I knew I was close to losing it.
Something that should have pushed me away, pulled me closer. And his fear is now greater than mine.
“I’m afraid to leave you alone, Cade,” Alder continues. “I have to take care of my club. But I need to know you’re going to be ok.”
Tension rolls through my entire body as I sit with those words for a moment.
“You’re the only one who hasn’t done this…” I say slowly.
“What?” Alder asks, his eyes narrowing at me. “Care?”
I huff. “Treat me like a fragile person who is going to break if you so much as look at me wrong.”
I bite back the emotion welling up inside me as I keep my eyes on him. He’s the only one who has really seen and accepted me, and given me space to be what I am. And now… that’s all changing.
Alder holds my gaze for a moment before he slowly walks towards me, closing the distance between us. He stops in front of me and looks deep into my eyes, like he’s looking for something. Then he lifts his hand and slides his palm up my chest before he wraps his fingers around my throat and drives me back against the wall with a thud.
A grunt escapes me at the force, and his grip tightens on my throat as his gaze drills into mine.
“Do you care about me?” he asks in a low, rough voice.
My brow furrows as I stare back at him, and my hands twitch at my sides as I fight the urge to reach for him.
His grip tightens, and his chest rises with a deep breath. “Because I fucking love you. You’reeverythingto me, Cade. And I would burn this fucking world down to keep you safe.” He leans closer, and his dark eyes bore into me with such intensity I feel it deep in my core. “So if you care about me… you’ll care about yourself.”
I wheeze as I try to pull a breath in, and a lump rises in my throat. But it’s not from his grip on me.
His gaze drops and lingers on my lips. “I need you to be here when I get back,” he says, his voice so low it’s almost a whisper.
Then he releases me, and I cough as the air rushes back into my lungs. I lift a hand to my throat as the blood returns to my skin, and my heart hammers like it just woke up.
He looks me in the eye one more time, showing me everything he has, and laying all his cards on the table. Then he turns and walks towards the door.
I watch him, frozen and unable to move as he opens the door and steps outside.
Something deep inside me is trying to claw its way out, growing more desperate as the distance between us increases. It’s trying to urge me to follow, call after him, stop him… and show him my cards too.
But it just presses against the wall that’s held me back for so long.
