“I can see that.”
“Operation Make Peter Fall In Love With Me is my best work yet.”
I loved how we laughed. That even in the most serious of conversations? He made me smile.
“You’re very good at what you do.”
“So you agree with me?”
“I’m falling in love with you,” I whispered.
He was mine. I wasn’t denying anything here.
“Anyway. The client turned out to be exactly that. Very difficult. Flighty. Demanding on every level. Wanted wining and dining and all of that. Easy. I took him out and entertained his every need. Until the needs got a little… I mean, he wanted party drugs. I could get that. Wasn’t good enough. He wanted harder things. Not really my expertise, but…that’s when I should have stopped. I should have gone to the boss and laid my cards on the table. I was out of my depth and getting into some underhanded methods that didn’t align with our company ethos, and I… Peter, I fucked up.”
“I thought you might have.”
“And it didn’t help that I was stuffing all that shit up my nose.”
“Hmmm.”
“I also…slept with him.”
“Oliver.”
“I know. I know. Not cool. Not clever. Definitely not smart.”
I stayed quiet this time. Not even a disappointed sigh. Honesty. I valued it. And it made things so much calmer in my chest. I knew he was broken. But he was healing me. One little word at a time.
“I fucked up,” he admitted. “And it was nobody else’s fault. I brought it on myself. I got carried away. I was so focused on winning over the client and retaining the account, and it would have been a great addition to our portfolio and… Fuck, it was stupid. All of it.”
“Hindsight is a great thing.”
“At the time, all I saw was big promotions and a massive bonus.”
“And instead?”
“I got you.”
He tightened his grip around me, like I was keeping him afloat, when the truth was? He was keeping me from drowning in my own self-pity. That pathetic part of me that I’d carried for years? I hated it. I absolutely hated it.
“I hated myself, and I hated who I’d become and that I wasn’t strong enough to stop what I was doing, and that I was spinning so wildly out of control, and I was still me? I was me, and I couldn’t stop anything. It just went on and on and on…and then I saw the ad forSave the mother-fucking-Date,and in my infinite stupidity, I saw a way out.”
I had to laugh. Because yes. I could see exactly that happening.
“You weren’t thinking clearly.”
“Amen to that.” He kissed my collarbone. My chest. My cheek. “And in all of that horrible mess in my head? There you were.”
The wetness at the corners of my eyes didn’t help. But he was right. He was so very, very right.
“The boys put me up to it, the show.” My fingers tangled in his hair. Those heavy curls wrapping around my fingertips. “They had some mate who worked for that production company, drumming up people for the show. I thought it was ridiculous. Absolutely insane. After everything we’d been through as a family, had we not learnt our lesson? But then I thought…maybe it was my one chance to finally put the record straight. To show the world that I wasn’t a bad person. All the vitriol and hate had perhaps not been undeserved, but I hadn’t been everything the press had made me out to be. I never got the chance to put anything right because nothing turned out the way it was supposed to. You can be in love with a woman, you can find her the most attractive person in the world and adore everything she is. You can have a strong, solid relationship and a happy marriage. But at the same time? Love is fluid. Attraction is too. And falling in love with a man. A woman. A human being who just makes you feel whole? Bisexuality is real. Love is real. Attraction… It’s a mysterious little thing. It’s just there."
“A vibe.”
“Exactly. And it doesn’t make it any more real or worthwhile just because you put a name on it.”
“True.”
