‘Go on, Mum – you deserve it. Especially today,’ Blair encouraged her.
A long-time post-menopausal wave of emotion came right on the heel of the flush. This was why she should never be centre of attention – it made her deeply uncomfortable.
‘No, it’s okay, I…’
She stopped.
Thought back to her memories from earlier.
The young Netta, the one who had taken to the stage in the bar that night that she’d met Fergus, had gone there straight from the hairdressers, where she’d got a perm that made her hair the same approximate size as a leylandii. That Netta loved to dress up. She loved to wear make-up. She was always in high heels. And she rarely went anywhere without bright red lippy. That Netta would never turn down an opportunity to have a pamper and a bit of a blether. She’d once stayed in a hairdressing salon for so long that she’d invited the stylist to go out that night. That’s who she’d been. Fun. Open. Spontaneous. When had she stopped being that way?
Was it when the sister who’d been her best friend and dancing partner had emigrated not long after they’d both got married, and Netta had never had time or the opportunity to find someone else to fill that role in her life?
Was it when she’d been a young wife who was suddenly a mum to two babies who became her whole focus in life?
Was it when money was so tight because bringing up two small children on one wage was tough and left nothing over for luxuries like hairdressers and make-up?
Was it when, even after she’d started working as a dinner lady and they had a little bit of spare cash, it became too difficult to persuade Fergus that they should go out, enjoy themselves, have a date night, make the most of their lives?
Or was it when she’d given up trying?
Was it really any wonder that Mandy thought Netta couldn’t relate to other people’s problems because she’d been so detached from the real world, so cocooned in a life that had only truly included herself and Fergus?
Was it healthy that she was more comfortable just being the person who was on the other end of the phone for strangers, rather than stepping out of her comfort zone and making her solitary own life better?
And had she now run out of excuses to keep it that way?
This morning, she’d admitted that she was lonely. She’d told her daughter that she liked the person that she used to be. She had a feeling that Mandy would like that other version of Netta much more than the one she’d struggled to relate to all her adult life.
Well, maybe it was time for Netta to bring that younger version back, to start being kind to the woman that had been living inside her all these years. Maybe it was time to start being herself again.
‘You know what, Jessie? I think I’d like that very much.’
19
KIKI
The journey back to the flat had been a nightmare and had taken twice as long as it should have. First, they’d had to wait ages for a bus. Then the bus had lingered at every single stop on the way. And when they’d finally got to the flats… yep, of course the lift was out again. And, worse than that, their neighbour, Mr Tavish, who lived directly across the landing from the druggies on her right, had been slowly, painfully making his way upstairs, holding on to the banister, puffing for breath and bright red with the heat. Kiki couldn’t bring herself to race past him and leave him behind.
‘You go on up and get ready for tonight,’ she’d told Ava, as she took the old man’s arm. At the top of the next flight of stairs, she’d begun to worry about him. ‘Mr Tavish, why don’t we just stop and rest a minute? Here, have a sip of my water.’ She’d pulled her steel water bottle out of her bag – a present from one of the kids at school at the end of last term – and unscrewed the top, before handing it over to him.
‘Thanks, hen. I don’t think I’ve got another summer of this in me, to tell the truth. I’ve been asking the council for a swap to a ground floor for the last ten years and it’s not happened yet. Think I’m going to have to go and park myself in their office and refuse to leave. I’ll probably get the jail, but at least there’ll be three meals a day and the cell won’t have any bloody stairs.’
Kiki had felt a wave of sympathy, followed right after by a second soaking of irritation at the council. This poor man. She had made a mental note to speak to Netta on the Family Listening Line about him, and ask if there was anything she could do to help. Netta might know if there were any agencies that could support his move, or if not, even just a call and some chat would do him good. Kiki knew he lived alone, and other than his daily trip to the bookies, he didn’t get out much. Especially when the bloody lifts were broken.
Or maybe she could get in touch with Bryony Browne, that TikTok manifester that Ava followed, and ask her to rustle up some support and a ground-floor flat for Mr Tavish. And a lift engineer for everyone left behind.
The walk upstairs had ended up taking twenty minutes, and now that they’d made it to their floor, she was seriously worried about Mr Tavish. He was the colour of the red stripes on her Adidas Sambas, and he’d gone through all of her water.
When they reached his door, she helped him get his key in the lock and opened it. ‘I’ll be fine now, hen,’ he assured her. ‘Off you go and get yer lass to the show tonight.’ She’d told him all about it on their way up the 4,315 stairs. Or maybe it just felt like that many.
‘No, it’s okay. Let me make you a cup of tea first.’
He held up the plastic bag he was carrying. ‘I’ve got four cans of Tennent’s lager in here. There’ll be no need for tea, thanks very much. Now, off you go, lass.’
There was stubborn, and there was Mr Tavish, so Kiki knew when she was beat. Besides, she was getting swirls of anxiety over getting to the show tonight. She wanted to look good when she saw the man who’d promised to love her and then walked away. She wasn’t sure when she’d get her moment to speak to him, so she’d planned to go early, on the off chance that she might spot him at a free moment and make her move. The most important thing was giving herself the most time and best opportunity to do that, and running in late wasn’t going to help.
Besides, Ava also wanted to get there early so they could get good seats for the screening.
