‘Anyway, Netta, I’ll let you go. I’m away to get nine holes in with my lad and my grandson. They’re not the chattiest of chaps, but my ears will be thankful for the rest. Thanks for listening and you have a smashing day.’
‘You too, George.’
As she hung up, she realised that he’d called her for a bit of moral support, but yet again, she was the one who was coming off the call feeling better. He was just one of those people who lifted your day. Netta wondered if Barbara from the doctor’s surgery knew what she’d missed out on.
And the rest of the way to the Academy, she wondered if the young Netta she’d talked about earlier would regret the life that she’d missed out on too.
15
KIKI
Dinah had popped out to the post office to send today’s online orders, and the shop was empty – probably because it was so hot outside that everyone who wasn’t sunning themselves abroad wanted to be soaking up rays in a park or in their garden.
Kiki was dusting off the stock on the jewellery counter, while Ava was sitting on the velvet bench outside the changing room, back in her shorts and T-shirt now and still beaming from the joy of her new outfit. When she closed her eyes, Kiki knew immediately what was going on.
‘Are you manifesting stuff again?’ Kiki asked, laughing despite her worry over losing today’s wages. There would be time to fret about the fact that she’d blown the electricity bill money later. It was totally out of character for her to be so reckless. In every area other than her long-term relationship, she’d always craved order. Control. Minimised risk. Made the most sensible decisions from the options that were open to her. She’d read on one of those pseudo-psychological Instagram posts that adults who’d had chaotic childhoods often turned out that way, so it wasn’t a surprise. And yes, there were so many things that she wished she’d done differently, but that was also for another day. Right now, all she wanted to do was enjoy this moment of happiness with her daughter.
Ava opened her eyes and grinned as she nodded. ‘I figure it didn’t deliver Dad, but I got my new togs, so it half worked, which is better than nothing.’
Kiki finished rubbing some fingerprints off a hammered silver cuff bangle that the ladies who’d been in earlier had tried on and debated over. In the end, they’d gone with the gold-plated version because they said it was more of a match for the retro bikinis. When the smudged cuff had been returned to its shiny former glory, she put it back on the display and then went over to sit next to Ava on the bench.
‘So tell me what you’re manifesting now then.’
Ava bit her bottom lip, just as she’d done since she was a little girl, whenever she was musing over a question or a problem.
‘I just want… just want… A part in the Academy Christmas show. Remember I told you that they’re announcing who got the lead role tonight after the screening? You don’t understand, Mum… it could be huge. Ollie Chiles is going to be in it too.’
Kiki wanted to say that she understood only too well, but the butterflies in her stomach were affecting her ability to speak.
‘And I mean, I know I don’t have a chance. All the other girls are after it too and when Bryony Browne came in to teach us about manifesting, I’m sure that’s what they were all thinking about. And anyway, I made a mess of the audition…’
This was the first Kiki had heard of this, so she didn’t want to let it go. ‘What do you mean, sweetheart?’
Ava flushed. ‘I just got nervous. Some of the other girls were so much better than me. All the best ones stick together and cheer each other on, and it just made me feel weird on the day and I freaked out.’
‘Oh no. What happened?’ Kiki was trying to keep her tone light, so that Ava wouldn’t clam up under interrogation, but the truth was that she wanted to know every detail of whatever caused her girl to get upset.
‘I just messed it up and bolted out of the room. But then I spoke to one of the ladies that works there, and she persuaded me to go back in and give it another try. So I did.’
‘And it went better?’
‘Yes. But there’s still no way I’ll get it. They don’t want someone who, like, totally flaked out on them.’
Kiki’s heart ached for her. It was in a different context, but she understood what it was like to want something so badly that it felt like the rest of her life depended on it. She’d never had the kind of dreams that Ava had. No big passion for performing or reaching the stars. She’d never even fantasised about travelling the world or climbing Everest or becoming a supermodel or a pop star. When she was a teenager, she just wanted to be normal. That was it. Not the kid with the mum that turned up at the school gate drunk and shouted at the passing cars. Or the kid who lived in the run down, shitty flats. No, not those things. Normal. Insignificant. She wanted to have nothing that singled her out as being different.
But then she’d blown that out of the water by getting pregnant. She’d been the only one in her whole school who had to get out of class for antenatal appointments, so of course that gave them all something to talk about again.
After that, she’d only dreamt about giving Ava the best possible life, a whole family with a stepdad who would want to love and take care of them. And look how that had worked out. The world could keep its dreams – they were just a one-way ticket to disappointment. But now wasn’t the time to let her sixteen-year-old daughter in on that little nugget of depressing reality.
‘You know, honey, that’s okay. Sometimes the reason things don’t work out is so that you learn a lesson and it sounds like you did. Sometimes that’s the point of it all. Not everything goes right first time.’
‘Is that why you and my dad didn’t work out? Because he was your first boyfriend?’
Kiki feigned shock. ‘Well, get you, Miss Psychologist. Actually, I hadn’t even thought of that, but maybe you’re right.’
‘Do you ever think that maybe you should try again too? I mean, you’ve never had another boyfriend since Dad. That must be… sad. Don’t get me wrong, the thought of you with a boyfriend is, like, ick, but I don’t want you to be alone for ever.’
The surprise that Ava had an opinion on this caught Kiki completely off guard, but she supposed it was only natural. Her daughter had no idea that there had been someone in Kiki’s life all along.
