Hard. I was so hard it was painful.
My body was coiled tight, mind emptied of every rational thought. Everything excepthim. Taking him. Having him. Pulling him into my lap, kissing him until he melted, getting him naked and open, and letting him ride me however the fuck he wanted?—
I reached for him without thinking, my hand sliding to the thigh pressed between mine, my palm molding to the heat of his skin, and a broken sound almost slipped out of me at the relief of finally touching him.
Ethan was panting softly into my ear when his fingers closed around my wrist. But instead of guiding me where I wanted, he lifted my hand away. “Too bad you don’t get to touch.”
What?
My mind lagged behind, still trying to process what he’d said, while my body had already surged ahead, already choosing him without hesitation.
He leaned back just enough for me to see his face—close, but out of reach. All that molten warmth gone, replaced with something cold.
“Too bad you made the wrong choice,” he said, head tilting slightly. “So instead of doing all of that…”
He let the silence drag, punishing.
“…the only thing you get to do is go back to your apartment—alone—and jerk off thinking about me.”
The words landed like a slap.
Realization filtered through the haze, piece by brutal piece, until I understood exactly what this was. “We’re still fighting.” It wasn’t a question. It landed in my chest like a weight.
Ethan nodded once, dropping my hand. “Happy birthday,friend.” Venom coated the word.
I sank back into the chair, humiliation burning up my throat. I had no right to feel betrayed—not after everything—but the denial, the distance, the reminder of what I had forfeited twisted something raw inside me. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe through it.
You chose this. You let this happen. You failed him. You failed everyone.
Pressure built behind my ribs, tight and relentless, Elena’s voice folding into Henry’s disappointment, into my father’s warnings, into the audit and the freeze and the slow collapse of everything I had built, until the weight of it pressed down so hard it felt impossible to draw a full breath.
And Ethan—right here, within reach and yet utterly out of bounds—was the one thing that had always quieted the noise; the one place I could set the burden down, and now even that was closed to me.
I couldn’t control anything.
Not the company. Not the damage. Not myself.
The guilt raked through me, sharp enough to tear, and without the thin layer of restraint I had been clinging to all night, the words slipped out. “Why are you here?” The accusation sounded foreign to my own ears, jagged and raw.
Because if he wasn’t here, I could think.
Because if he wasn’t here, I wouldn’t feel myself splitting open.
“Why did you have to follow me here?” My voice cracked. “I can’t think with youeverywhere.”
Silence answered me.
Too much of it.
I forced my eyes open?—
And the look on his face knocked the breath from my lungs.
Wide eyes. Wounded. Unprotected.
Because I had put that there.
My stomach dropped.
