Felix turns me around to lie in his arms. He kisses my shoulder and gently washes me with a cloth. “Tell me what happened after you lost the baby.”
“Straight to the hard questions. Well… I put all my focus toward ballet and was accepted into a company. The letters you wrote to me while locked at Westbridge—I found them hidden in my dad’s office. I cut him from my life after that.”
Felix’s lips pause on my neck. “I often wondered where those letters ended up. It makes sense Thomas kept them from you. He was never fond of me.”
“I’ve read them hundreds of times. They’ve been my most cherished possession. I was so angry at my father for keeping them from me, along with how he treated me when discovering I was pregnant. We spoke occasionally after that, but it was always with animosity.”
“I’m sorry,” Felix whispers, trailing the washcloth down my arm.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. His death was a strange feeling. He was a toxic man, manipulative and always forcing me to be someone I wasn’t. I grieved the loss of my father long before he died. But his death brought up a lot of heartache from the past.”
“I can imagine.”
The ill feelings between my dad and Felix were mutual. I was surprised when Felix attended the funeral and sent me condolence flowers.
I splash water over my face, rubbing my eyes, then take a deep breath and continue recounting the past. “After Tyler and I lost the baby, we managed to find happiness with each other, but something always felt off. We both missed you so much. He’s never been the same without you, Felix. You were his closest friend. His brother?—”
“This conversation isn’t about him.” His words are quiet but stern. A warning.
I swallow hard and tilt my head, looking up at him. “Is there no way you can forgive Tyler?”
“No.”
“He was only trying to do what he thought was right?—”
“You don’t understand.”
“Explain it to me.”
“I have, Harper.” There’s no anger in his voice. Just finality. A locked door that will never reopen. “Tyler broke me in a way that hurts different to romantic heartbreak. Time has passed. Wounds have turnedinto scars. But I can never open myself to Tyler again.”
I spin around to Felix, sitting in his lap and holding his face. “There has to be some way to fix your relationship with him. Tell me what Tyler needs to do.”
Felix looks away, his jaw tightening. “Harper…”
I bring his face back to mine. “Do you miss him?”
“No.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Ido.”
The silence that settles over us is heavy. Not uncomfortable, just sad. Felix has always been stubborn. My own heart aside, I want Felix and Tyler to fix what broke between them so they can find their way back to the brotherhood no one else will ever replace.
But I don’t push, and instead slide a little deeper into the water, resting my cheek against his chest. “It’s my turn to ask questions. You run this illegal organization. You had Theo kill a man and I’m guessing this wasn’t the first time. No one has ever found out? Not the cops? How is that possible? Your dad had to pay off people to cover up Paul Ferguson’s death.”
“Paul came from a prestigious family. They were bound to investigate if my father hadn’t taken those measures,” Felix explains, stroking my spine. “The world I live in is different, Harper. Here, everyone has their hands dirty. No one wants to get the cops involved. Theo has had a lot of practice and knows how to destroy evidence that can be traced back to us.”
“You speak like you’re invincible.” Fearful for him, I wrap my arms tight around his body.
Felix sighs, his voice gentle. “I’m definitely not invincible, but I’ve put measures in place to protect myself. When I was younger, I nearly got killed one night selling eclipse. Theo was shot. We couldn’t go near a hospital with a gunshot wound and risk drawing attention to ourselves. I had to track down someone willing to patch Theo up in a basement where no official paperwork was kept. Watching him almost bleed out on a concrete floor… It was the wakeup call I needed. How we were running business needed to change. After that, I left eclipse and focused on my own business. For the most part, I stay out of trouble and let everyone else do the dirty work. I pay them well and they’re loyal to me. I make sure to have a doctor on my payroll and an infirmary in The Scarlet Mirage for medical emergencies, though we barely use it. While my lifestyle has risks, my men are dealing with the threats. Not me.”
His words are a lot to take in. I lie in silence, absorbing it all.
“Does hearing any of this change how you feel about being with me?” he asks.
Water splashes around us as I sit up on Felix’s lap once more. “No. In the past, it would have. But I’ve been miserable without you, Felix. I want everything that comes with you.”
