To give you room to breathe
Truth is, I’ve been standing still
Afraid to find out who I am
If your heart isn’t next to mine
If I’m not part of your plan
It’s selfish, or maybe it’s just fear
Hell, maybe it’s both
But you’re the only future I can see
I don’t know how to let go
If I love you, set you free
But loving you is all of me
I don’t know how to not hold on
Who am I if you’re gone?
I stand abruptly. “Will—” I say, stopping him before he reaches the door. “What did you mean by the next stage of your life?”
He exhales, huffing out a humorless laugh. “Well, right now I’m executing what I’ve been referring to as thedon’t-be-a-cowardphase of my growth-and-honesty stage.”
“So what comes after that?”
Will swallows. “That would be the groveling phase, which I’m hoping will be followed by a forgiveness phase. And if I’m really lucky, which I’m not sure I deserve—something my therapist is trying to get me to work on—maybe adon’t-be-a-coward2.0 phase.”
“What’s that one for?” My lips quirk. “Not more confessions, I hope?”
He shakes his head. “Choices, if I can earn them back.”
“Choices?”
“You once gave me three,” he says. “And I didn’t even have the balls to choose.”
My breath catches. “But you want to now?”
“No,” he says quickly. “I want to earn them. I don’t want you to let me off easy. You’ve always let me off too easy. You’ve always given me too much. You shouldn’t let me bully you like that.”
“I kind of like it when you bully me.”
“Ari…”
“What? I thought we were being honest?”
His eyebrow raises. “You don’t think that’s a little toxic?”
“I think I realized toxic wasn’t a dealbreaker for me when I walked away more hurt and pissed than I’ve ever been in my life, then immediately wanted to turn around and come right back to you. I don’t ever want you to stop reminding me of all the ways I’m yours.”
I’m not sure which one of us moves first or faster, but not a moment later we’re pressed against each other. It’s stupid how right the world feels the moment I’m in his arms. But this time he’s not just holding or soothing me. Our mouths crash together before our chests do, and his arms wrap around me, pulling me tight against him. My hands move up his neck to grip his hair, and he lifts me in his arms. My legs wrap around him instinctively, and I lose myself in his kiss. I pour all my breath,my pain, years of desperate want, need, and love into the kiss, and he gives me back just as much.
Thinking back to the kiss that shaped so many of my dreams and solidified my understanding of love—I knew nothing. Not one other kiss in my life has ever felt like that one did, but this fills my entire soul with heat.
