The way he says my name sends a flush of irritation through me. It’s condescending without the teasing edge. Possessive without the benefit of him actually wanting me.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he adds.
“I did,” I say lightly. “You just didn’t like the answer.”
There’s a beat of silence on the line, and I can imagine his strong jaw flexing. “You can’t just decide to disappear.”
“Um, excuse me? Isn’t that exactly what you did this morning? You’ve been gone all fucking day without a word.” I lower my voice, accepting the drink Julien slides towards me. His fingers brush mine, deliberate and warm, and I get a bolt of confidence.
I take a sip and smile, then mouth, “It’s perfect,” to Julien. He beams and bites his lip before backing away to help another customer.
“Look, Will, I get it. I’m really sorry I made you feel uncomfortable last night. I promise it won’t happen again. I think I’ve just been letting things build up too much.”
“So why didn’t you tell me you wanted to go out?”
“I need to live my own life. And the last thing I need is my big brother cockblocking me.”
“That’s not fair. Did you even bring security with you?”
“No,” I cut in, sharper now. “What’s not fair is you pretending this is about concern when it’s really about control.”
“That’s not what this is.”
“Is it not?”
“No, I—I’m trying to protect you.”
My laugh is more of a scoff, short and humorless.Predictable.
“Again, for the thousandth time, I do not want or need your protection.”
“It doesn’t work like that, Ari,” he snaps. Then, softer, he adds, “It’s been like this since we were kids. I can’t just turn it off.”
“No, this is different. We used to go to clubs and parties together, both got what we needed, and everyone walked away happy. But you changed the rules that I never agreed to in the first place. And now it’s to the point where you won’t let anyone touch me at all.”
I take a long, slow sip of my drink and notice Julien watching me. I hold his gaze for a long moment and smile when he winks. Only when he turns to help another customer, do I give Will my attention again.
“So either you tell me what’s crawled up your ass, or you back way the fuck off.”
He doesn’t answer. I can hear his breathing through the phone now. Heavy, but controlled, like he’s gearing up to say something, but he keeps holding back.
Setting my glass on the bar top, I pick a cherry out of the ice and roll the stem between my fingers, waiting for Will to say anything. I don’t know what exactly I want him to say. I know it’s unreasonable and unlikely that he’d ever just tell me hewants me. Acknowledge the strange tension that’s been building between us.
It started at the clubs we used to go to together, because they’re safe, with strict rules and even stricter NDAs. In the beginning, I would find a private room or dark area far away from wherever Will was. It felt like the right thing to do. I mean, who wants to watch their brother get fucked? I don’t. But I also, maybe, kind of… like his eyes on me.
And he noticed.
He started dictating how things would happen, telling men how to touch me or how to let me touch them. He never let anyone fuck me the way I really wanted, but him watching gave me enough of a rush to get what I needed. Then I started wishing there wasn’t a woman touching him while he watched me.
And the more I paid attention, the more I realized something I already knew—that he only does these things because he knows I like it, not the other way around. The only benefit for him was knowing I was safe while some hot blonde sucked him off. Once I started seeing the behavior for what it was, it didn’t give me the same thrill. Instead, it made me feel small.
He'll never want me like that. Anything he’s ever done has been because he felt bad for me. Like my first kiss. Like what happened last night.
Will still hasn’t said anything. He doesn’t need to. I know everything I need to know.
“That’s what I thought,” I murmur, more to myself than him. I end the call without saying goodbye.
I bring the cherry to my mouth and set it on my tongue, letting the sweetness linger as Julien’s attention snaps fully back to me. Wrapping my tongue around the bright red candied fruit, I pop it from the stem before knocking back the rest of my drink, warmth blooming low in my stomach.
