I press the heels of my palms to my eyes and try to believe that hurting him now is better than destroying him later. I’ll do anything to keep him safe, even if it means cutting out both our hearts.
Because Luc is better off without me. He has to see that.
It takes longer to sneak me into the hospital than it did to get here. But finally, I’m bursting through the doors of the private room Blake set them up with. My eyes lock on Luc immediately, and the pain I see there nearly brings me to my knees.
Tears well up in my eyes before I can even speak, but I will them back and look at Luc’s family. Both of his sisters are in the hospital bed, watching something on a tablet. Talia looks okay, but the knowledge of just how much worse the accident could have been makes me sick. Mr. Martín and Shawna are sitting with Luc on either side of the hospital bed.
Luc stands and runs over to me. His arms wrap around mine and I’m not sure who is comforting who. He leads me out into the hallway.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper hoarsely, repeating it over and over again. “This is all my fault.”
“It’s not–”
“–It is!” I practically shout. “This would have never happened if we weren’t together, and you know it. This is far worse than the kind of publicity you’ve avoided all these years, Luc. This is insanity, and I should have protected you better.”
“Jesse, I was the one who said I didn’t want to hide anymore.”
“That was before you got a taste of just how fucked up this life could get. I think…” A knot threatens to close my throat before I can get the words out. My head bows. “I think you would have been better off if I’d never learned your name.”
“Jesse–”
“I’m serious, Luc. I’ve brought nothing but chaos into your life since this whole thing started.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
My head snaps up, and I lock eyes with sad, blue eyes that have turned stormy with exhaustion and worry. The dark circles under his eyes and his hair, messy from running his hands through it, don’t take away from how heartbreakingly gorgeous he is.
“You never wanted this.”
“That doesn’t mean what we have isn’t worth it. I love you.” He says it like it’s so simple, like how much we love each other washes everything else away.
“Enough to watch your family get caught in the crossfire? Talia could have been killed, Luc. They don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve this.”
Luc’s mouth opens to argue, but no words come out. He knows I’m right. I take a step back from him and head back into the room, where I spend a little while talking with the girls. When Luc doesn’t follow me back into the room, Shawna leaves to check on him. Luc’s father watches me quietly, concern etched in the lines of his stoic face.
After apologizing a few more times, and promising the girls I’ll arrange something better than hospital food for their breakfast, I say goodnight and get up to leave. Just as I reach the door, Mr. Martín grabs my arm to stop me.
He clears his throat. “This wasn’t your fault, son.”
My heart clenches at his use of son, and tears threaten again.”It wouldn’t have happened if not for–”
“Shit’s gonna happen. Sometimes it’ll be your shit. Sometimes it’ll be his shit. What matters is how you handle it.”
“I’m handling it, sir. I promise. I’ll make this right.”
I’m handling it the only way I know how. By walking away from the one thing that I want more than anything else in this world. To protect him. To protect his family. And maybe a little to protect myself, because I don’t think I could manage a future where Luc grows to resent me because of the chaos loving me will continue to bring him.
Cory leads me down a darkened hallway back towards the maintenance entrance we snuck through earlier. It’s quiet enough that I can hear footsteps echoing down the hallway before I can see who they belong to. Luc calls out, trying to keep his voice low, running to catch up to me. He doesn’t slow until he’s right in front of me.
“What happened today sucks,” he says. “I’ve never been so terrified in my life. And yes, I realize it could have been much worse. But it wasn’t. Talia is okay.” Emotion chokes his words, betraying his fears for the future. “Don’t let this break us, Jesse.”
He steps closer, cupping my jaw in his big hand, his thumb rubbing over my lip ring. “I’m scared,” he admits. “And I know you are too. But we’ll get through this–together.”
His lips press against mine, tenderly at first, but the kiss grows deeper and more desperate the longer it goes on. It takes a strength I didn’t know I possessed to pull away from him.
“I love you,” I whisper, my forehead pressed to his. “Everything will be okay.” He nods, but I can tell from the stiffness of his posture that he knows there’s more to it. “We need to take a step back,” I say, fighting to keep my voice level. “Until things die down, we need to be more careful. At least until after the Super Bowl.”
A tear falls and splashes against my shirt. I’m not even sure which one of us it came from.
