“Get your mind out of the gutter.” I tugged harder until he had no choice but to stand. “You look dead on your feet. I say we get changed and into bed.We’ll cuddle and you can decide to either talk or sleep.”
Dominic gave me a weak smile. “Now that I’m on board with.”
A few minutes later, we were tucked up in bed, the only light in the room coming from the moon outside my window. Usually, we left a lamp on when we went to bed for the first hour or so, knowing we’d either be fooling around or chatting.
Somehow, I didn’t think Dominic wanted light for this conversation.
My head was on his chest as he gently played with my hair. If it weren’t for his racing heart under my ear, I might have believed he was calm. But he wasn’t. Far from it.
Finally, Dominic let out a long breath. “My dad is a dick.”
I knew that already. Had known it since he dropped the bombshell about not having any food in the house.
“He drinks,” he continued in a whisper. “And when he drinks, he gets mean.”
The pit that had formed in my gut earlier was back. I wanted to ask how, but I didn’t want to interrupt Dominic. He needed to get this off his chest, whatever it was, so I stayed silent.
“My mum died when I was four.” I heard his throat click as he swallowed. “It was my fault.”
“No,” I said immediately, lifting my head so I could see his face. “Dominic, that’s not true.”
“It is.” There were no tears, just a hollow belief in what he was saying. “She died because of me.”
I blinked at him in disbelief, bracing my palm on his chest. “That’s not possible, Dom. You were four.Four.”
“We were on a picnic.” He continued like I hadn’t spoken. “It was hot. It was summer, and I was so hot. I just wanted to get my feet wet. Maybe splash around a bit.”
Oh fuck.I knew Dominic’s mum had died when he was young, but not how. It had never occurred to me to ask.
Just as it hadn’t occurred to me until this very moment that I’d never heard him mention her.
Not once.
“She told me not to go near the river. I waited until she was distracted unpacking the picnic before sneaking away. I wasn’t trying to be naughty, I swear. I just wanted to play in the water. I?—”
He cut himself off with a shaky exhale. His chest vibrated under my palm, like his heart was fracturing as he relived it.
This wasn’t right. Dominic might’ve arranged us like this, but it was clear to me what he needed. Propping myself up, I tugged him into my arms. His head landed on my shoulder, his face buried in my neck once more. “Ssh, it’s okay.”
He was shaking violently like he was coming apart at the seams. I clutched him tighter, refusing to let him. If he couldn’t hold himself together, then I’d do it for him.
“I-I…I didn’t mean to fall in,” he stammered against my neck. “It was my fault.”
He didn’t tell me what had happened next. He didn’t need to. There was only one river around here, and there was a reason we never swam in it. People who did rarely resurfaced. The current was too strong. Anyone could guess how a mother would react to her child falling in.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I said, quietly but firmly. “You were a child, Dom. It was an accident.”
“It should’ve been me. I should’ve been the one who died.”
“No.” My fingers tightened instinctively as a visceral flash of fear went through me. “Your mum saved you, Dominic. She made that choice because she loved you.”
“She didn’t know she’d die because of it.”
I swallowed around the ball in my throat. Did Dominic carry this guilt and shame around with him all the time? Since the age of four?
“She wouldn’t have cared even if she had known,” I said slowly. “That’s what parents are meant to do, right? Love their kids so much that they’ll risk their lives to protect them. Your parents wouldn’t have wanted you to die instead.”
“My dad would merrily disagree with you there.”
