Something told me it wasn’t just because the door had closed.
If I was number one on the list of guests Ryan wouldn’t want crashing tonight, then Max would be number two.
Suck it up, Walker,I told myself sternly.You knew this wouldn’t be easy. You’ve literally survived wars. You don’t quit. That’s not what you do. You’re a fighter, and you keep fighting.
That mantra had got me through every hard situation since I was a kid. Most notably in the months after everything with Ryan ended.
I’d come so close to giving up. To letting the endless darkness that haunted me pull me under. But I couldn’t. Not when I had a vow to keep.
Straightening, I shook off the nerves and plastered on my mask. It was one Ryan would recognise. One I’d taught him to wear himself.
Fake it until you make it.
Another lesson I’d delivered.
Didn’t know at the time that it’d be Ryan who’d teach me the most painful one of all. That I did have a heart. That it was capable of being broken. Obliterated. Smashed to smithereens.
I knew better now. I was able to give my heart away, but only to Ryan. No one else.
He was my Shadow, and for better or worse, I couldn’t escape him.
Now it was time to get him back.
My gait was casual as I strolled into the pub. I was calm on the surface, and I doubted anyone could tell that I was a wreck underneath.
But as my gaze landed on Ryan, the veneer cracked. A sheen covered my vision as I stumbled over my own feet. Fuck. It was him. It was really him. He was in the same room as me. Breathing the same air.
It didn’t matter that I couldn’t even see his face. His back was to me. A back that was wider than I remembered. In fact, all of him seemed more ripped. Closer to the physique Max had had when we were teens.
But god, it was still him. It was Ryan.
I pulled myself together quickly. He could turn and see me at any moment. I couldn’t ruin everything. I had a plan. It had to work.
It had to.
Whatever Max had just said to his twin had him stiffening. My heart clenched as I drew near enough to hear his whispered response. “Max, I swear to god. You can’t let him?—”
I didn’t need to wonder who he was talking about. I knew.
I stopped right behind him. Fuck, I could almost feel the heat of him. He was so damn close. God, how I wanted to see his face. I had to curl my hands into fists to stop myself from touchinghim. “Let me do what? Since when do I let anyone tell me what to do?”
Ryan froze but didn’t turn. Because he didn’t want to see me? Or because he couldn’t bring himself to?
Look at me,I wanted to scream.Look at me, Shadow.
But he didn’t. He stayed facing away.
“Daily, I’d assume, given you’re in the army.”
I reached for him automatically, but I managed to stop myself at the last moment. Instead of spinning him, of forcing him to look at me, I reached around and plucked the glass from his hands.
I blinked in surprise at the sight of the amber liquid.Since when does Ryan drink whisky?
When I spoke, my voice was surprisingly smooth. There was no hint of the trembling chaos erupting within me. “Not anymore. Finished my last tour a week ago. Just in time, wouldn’t you say?”
I hadn’t thought it was possible for Ryan’s spine to get straighter, but it did. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
I gave a dark chuckle. He knew as well as I did why I was here. I might not have followed through on the other promises I’d made him, but that last one?
