Just a cold detachment.
Cold was never an adjective I would’ve used to describe the Ryan I once knew. The opposite, in fact. The Ryan I fell in love with was pure fire. All heat and passion. Especially when he was all riled up and in my face.
I think I missed that the most.
So no, I wasn’t going to walk away. I’d left him once, and I wasn’t about to do it again. I’d spent the past several years counting the days to my discharge date, knowing that then, Ryan would be my first and only destination.
The irony that he’d posted the announcement less than a week before that date didn’t escape me. All the plans I’d meticulously put into place could be for nothing.
“I have to try,” I said finally. “If he’s genuinely happy, if he looks at me and there’s nothing, then I’ll walk away.”
Max laughed humourlessly. “No, you won’t.”
No. I wouldn’t. I might’ve worked to better myself over the past decade, but all of it had been done with the goal of getting Ryan back.
If there was a chance of that not happening…well, I wouldn’t have any incentive to continue being that person.
“Fine.” Max exhaled through his nose. “I’ll be here to pick up the pieces if it all falls through.”
I clapped him on the shoulder. “Have more faith, Max.”
He snorted. “Faith is for when your life is on the line, not your heart.”
Max was wrong. Ryan was my life and my heart.
I wasn’t prepared to give either up.
Shaking out my arms, I took several deep breaths. This was it. The moment I’d been building up to for the past decade.
I was ready.
I could do this.
Just then, a voice rang out over the others. It froze me in place as it washed over me. I couldn’t focus on the words, just that it washim.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
There were subtle differences to his tone, like he’d worked to smooth out his accent, but it was undeniably him. My Shadow. It was funny; most people believed identical twins were the same in every way. But this wasn’t Max’s voice, it was Ryan’s.
I’d know it anywhere.
“Dominic?” Max said quietly beside me. “You okay, man?”
“I need a minute,” I rasped, bracing my hands on my knees. “You go ahead. I’ll be right there.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. Ryan’s voice was still ringing through the air, laughter and confidence in every syllable. “Yeah. Just give me a second.”
A second to reconcile my fantasy with the reality. Because that man in there, he wasn’t going to be happy to see me. Not after how I’d left. How I’d betrayed his trust.
How I’d lied to him.
The noise from Ryan’s stag do got briefly louder as Max entered. A hush descended immediately after.
