In a way, it hadn’t been. Max and I had never regained the closeness we’d once shared. It wasn’t possible.
Didn’t help that whenever I looked at him, I wished he was someone else.
I didn’t delude myself into thinking that his decision alone had cost me my relationship with Ryan. It was my actions that had done that. I’d lied to him. Betrayed his trust. Made him question everything we’d shared.
Yes, there was bitterness that lingered on my part. Disbelief that Ryan had truly believed I wanted Max the same way I wanted him. Fury that he’d walked away from me that night.
And heartbreak. God, the pain I carried. I’d thought I knew agony before, but it had nothing on what I went through in the weeks and months after our break-up.
It hadn’t improved with time. Not that I’d expected it to.
I was in love with Ryan. It didn’t matter how many years passed, that never changed.
It never would.
Max wasn’t blameless in this whole situation. He knew that. It was why he’d insisted on coming tonight, despite knowing he wouldn’t be welcomed any more than I would.
Max tapped his fingers against his arm, his gaze sweeping the area automatically. We might both have been discharged, but that life never truly left you. “What if he kicks you out?”
I chuckled bitterly. “Then he’ll still be the man I fell in love with.”
Max sighed, tugging on his hair. My stomach swooped, just as it did every time he did that. He didn’t share many mannerisms with his twin, but the ones he did stabbed fresh daggers through my heart whenever he let them show. “Dominic, I know you think this is for the best?—”
“It is.”
“—but what if this hurts Ryan?” He continued like I hadn’t interrupted him. “We’ve hurt him enough already, Dominic. I don’t want to do it again. I can’t.”
I knew that. Max’s genuine regret over what had happened was the sole reason he was still in my life. “I know. I don’t want that either, but I have to try. I made him a promise, Max. Given I’ve broken every other one, this is one I’m going to follow through on.”
Max stepped closer, speaking urgently. “He’s getting married, Dominic.Married. He’s moved on.”
I closed my eyes briefly, fighting the rising nausea. It had been present ever since I’d seen the announcement on Ryan’s Instagram. Given how often I stalked it, you’d think I would’ve had an inkling that Ryan was in a serious relationship, but there’d been nothing.
Then, suddenly, there was everything. Ryan, my Shadow, his arms around a petite woman. Blonde hair cascaded around her heart-shaped face as she beamed at the camera. Ryan’s smile was smaller, more reserved.
Nothing like the ones he used to give me. I wondered if he showed them to anyone these days.
If he doesn’t, that’ll be your fault too.
There was a lot of blame going around, and I knew most of it lay at my feet.
If the massive rock on her outstretched hand hadn’t given it away, the caption Ryan included would have.
‘Introducing the soon-to-be Mrs.Davies! Here’s to many more rainy morning coffees, baby.’
When I’d read that, I’d stumbled outside, my gorge rising. I stayed there long after my stomach was empty, heaving uselessly into the gutter.
Ryan’s getting married. He’s found someone else. Someone to call baby. Someone he has cute traditions with.
That was where Max had found me god only knew how long later. I hadn’t needed to explain what was wrong. He stalked his brother’s page almost as often as I did, desperate for a glimpse into the life we’d both been shut out of.
Through your own actions.
I knew why I wanted back in. Max’s reasons were less clear, but I wasn’t the only one who’d grown up during our time away.
Most people would have seen that post and realised they were too late. But not me. Maybe I would’ve backed off if it hadn’t been for Ryan’s eyes.
They hadn’t been shining with love. There was no joy. No excitement about having just had his proposal accepted by the woman he supposedly loved.
