I didn’t know what scared me more: that my future would be more of this, or that Reid wouldn’t appear in it at all.
No, I did know.
Nothing was more terrifying than the thought of losing Reid from my life. If these snapshots of him were the closest I’d ever get, then I’d find a way to be happy with them.
It’d be worth it to keep him in my world.
Hamish sighed, not turning around. “Ye can come out, Evan. I know yer there.”
I smiled sheepishly as I stepped out of the shadows to join him. “Sorry. You know I can’t stay away for long.”
Through the window of Thistle Do Nicely, I watched Reid hand a bouquet to a customer. Even his work smile was dulled of its previous shine.
“I’m more than capable of keeping Reid safe,” Hamish said, “but I get it.”
He should. We had this conversation every time he was on shift. “This’ll happen for you one day too, Hamish. Your wolf will choose someone, and that’ll be it. Everything will change.”
Hamish snorted. “We don’t have fated mates.”
That was true. We didn’t.
“I don’t think that matters,” I said, my gaze helplessly fixed on Reid’s slumped shoulders. The customer had left now, and Reid was staring aimlessly at the countertop. “We get to choose, but I think that just means our wolf gets to choose.”
“Are ye saying you wouldn’t have picked Reid?”
Hamish’s question sent a jolt through me.
Would I have picked Reid? Knowing he’d never love me in return? That he’d never want to be a part of a clan again? That he’d never accept being my mate?
The answer to all of those questions had been given to me over and over again. It appeared in the gentle curve of his smile. The sound of his laugh. The way his tongue stuck out the side of his mouth when he was concentrating. How he bounced on his toes when he was excited.
It was in the unusual ways his brain worked. How he was able to focus on multiple things at once. The intricate questions that preceded a trip down any rabbit hole. His insatiable desire for knowledge. The fixations he went through that temporarily took over his life. It was also in the ease with which he went toe to toe with me. How he had zero fear calling me out.
And that wasn’t even taking into account how he’d come apart under my touch.
It didn’t matter that I hadn’t seen any of those things recently. If anything, it just had me yearning to see them again, to help guide Reid out of the darkness and back into the light.
I wasn’t there myself yet, but maybe helping Reid…maybe it’d get me there too.
“I would have picked him,” I said eventually. “Reidmight not be my fated mate, but I believe he was always meant to be mine.”
Hamish’s silence was heavy. He knew as well as I did that a happy ending wasn’t on the cards for me and Reid. Or just me, really, ever.
Hopefully Reid would find happiness one day…even if it was with another.
“I’ll go back to the clan lands now,” I lied, stepping back. I wouldn’t be going far. I never did, but I didn’t want to make Hamish think I was questioning his abilities. More than he already did, anyway. “Thanks, Hamish.”
“Anytime, brother. Don’t worry, he’s only got another thirty minutes and then he’ll be heading home.”
I didn’t allow myself another look at Reid, I’d never leave if I did. Instead, I shifted and started to run.
Running was my refuge.
Chapter 17
Reid
Depression was a common comorbidity with ADHD. Given it was also a common result of childhood trauma and abuse, you might say I’d been lucky to avoid it until now.
