All that seemed to have worked a little was the puzzles. After seeing Reid complete one in a few days, I’d arranged to have another delivered.
Then, when that was done, another.
Over the next couple of weeks, Reid completed eight puzzles. It wasn’t much, but to me it was as though he’d climbed Everest. Okay, so he was still on the sofa, but he was engaged in something. I even caught his head bobbing occasionally, a ghost of a smile dancing on his lips when he located a particularly tricky piece.
Christmas and New Year’s were the worst. I’d pushed Logan to invite him to the clan house, even making sure Reid knew I wouldn’t be present.
I’d underestimated his stubbornness.
He hadn’t been alone though. Not entirely. I’d stayed outside for twenty-four hours straight, silently standing guard and ensuring his safety.
It didn’t make up for what I’d done. Nothing would. But for that day, I didn’t run. Not even the perimeter laps we usually took during these shifts. I hadn’t wanted to leave Reid even for the minute that would take. He didn’t know I was close by, but I did.
I didn’t want him to be alone. Not on Christmas.
Not on New Year’s either. I’d taken that shift too,watching him through the window as the clock struck twelve. He hadn’t done anything to celebrate the moment, just continued to watch the true crime documentary he’d settled on.
My only acknowledgement was a silent wish for the man I’d failed.Please let Reid find the happiness he deserves this year.
It wasn’t even just for him. I wouldn’t know happiness again unless Reid did too. Something in me had been rewired that day we first met again in the shop. It was like someone had ripped out everything that was essential for me to function and rearranged it all to centre around Reid.
It was more than that though. A realisation I couldn’t bring myself to name. The knowledge that I’d never felt like this about anyone before.
I couldn’t acknowledge it. Not when I’d spent my life searching for it. It was almost cruel to discover it, only to learn it would never be reciprocated.
My feelings weren’t Reid’s problem. They were mine, and I was the one who’d deal with them.
I just wished he hadn’t bought an industrial sized bottle of lube.
Really, I shouldn’t have begrudged him. It was the only activity that brought a true smile to Reid’s face.
And the only one to torture me.
When Reid had made his off-the-cuff comment about running out of lube while riding his dildo, I hadn’t thought much of it. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. I’d thought about it often. Usually with my hand around my cock, wondering how he looked using it. Would his cheeks flush the way they had that night on the sofa? Would his lips swell slightly, the pout demanding to be kissed? Would he moanmy name as he came, just as he had when I’d taken him over the edge?
Unfortunately, I knew the answer to that last one.
How? Because just twenty-four hours after we hooked up, I heard it.
It couldn’t have been the first time it had happened while I’d been on guard. The difference then was that I didn’t know whatReidwas doing. He was simply out of my sight and doing something that was making him breathless. With all the random stuff he did in his flat on a daily basis, it could’ve been anything.
Besides, it wasn’t like he’d moaned my name before.
But that night, the first when I’d realised what he was doing, he did. It was soft—a mere ripple in the air, almost missed.
Yet it was enough to have my wolf trying to drag me to Reid’s front door. Growling that he obviously wanted us if my name was the one he was crying out.
The depressing truth was that my wolf was wrong. Reid might have wanted me physically, but he didn’t want anything more than that.
He never would.
I hadn’t touched myself that night. And the next, when Reid disappeared into his bedroom and the breathy moans began, I wore noise-cancelling headphones until I was sure he was finished.
I was holding on by a thread. If it broke, I’d say to hell with everything and do what my wolf wanted. I’d park myself on Reid’s doorstep until he gave me a chance. Until he ate some food for me and slept for a solid eight hours.That couldn’t happen for a number of reasons, the top one being that it went against Reid’s wishes.
The thread couldn’t be allowed to break. It was frayedenough as it was—listening to Reid moan my name every night would snap it completely.
So I put my headphones in and wondered what my future would hold. It had to be better than this, right? Me, confined to the shadows, when where I truly wanted to be was within sight. Longing to care for a man who’d never want me. Unable to see any path forward that didn’t centre around Reid.
