“Sounds romantic.”
He snorted. “No. He’ll tell you I was just being practical.”
“Were you?”
He finally beheld her again. “No. I really did love him like that. The only man ever.”
“But…”
“But there’s a difference between having two separate lives despite that and being married with a woman living with us, doing everything with us…”
“Your image.”
She said it so plainly, like he had so plainly called her a slutty slut-slut.
“I can be queer, or I can be in a menage,” Benson explained. “To the public. Not both.”
“Do you still think that?”
“I don’t know. It’s been five years since I made a man cry.” He squeezed her hand. “Me. That’s who I mean. But he probably cried, too. Sensitive nilly…”
“Is that why you’re pushing him away from this?”
“Am I?”
The man was a thousand miles away, staring into his kitchen as if reliving a memory there. Eden followed his gaze, but only saw a bowl of fruit, a stainless steel sink, and a box of tissues that had traveled there from the living room end table. Benson hadhay fever that killed him until he took a daily pill. Eden had seen him do it enough times by now.Seen him take his other meds, too.Not all of them were lifestyle-related. He was old enough to be on a couple of other prescriptions that kept him functioning as required.
“I guess I should tell you something, too, angel.”
She didn’t know what she expected him to confess, but getting blown by Liam on the island counter a few nights ago… wasn’t it. Especially with the image rolling through her head as if it played on the biggest projector screen her brain could conjure. And the way Benson told it? It wasn’t erotic. It wasn’t a replay to get her excited. It was a true confession. Because not only had Liam just done it, but Benson had let him.
“I was angry he left right away,” Benson said. “I was going to treat him to the old days.”
Eden could only imagine what that meant. “He didn’t tell me about that.”
“Finally, something I can be on the cutting edge of.”
She couldn’t bring herself to laugh. “I think you might still love him, Ben.”
“Yeah, well, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. I’ve been trying this whole time not to fall back in with him. You know Liam. He’s one of the most lovable men around.”
“I don’t know how he’s not married five times over yet.”
“I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he asks the same about you.”
“Ben.” She wrapped her arm around him, teeth on her bottom lip. “This is stupid. I think we all three love each other. What are we doing?”
He looked right into her eyes. “You tell me, angel. You’re the one talking about being a Butterfly again. While we, what? Sit here and wait for your glorious return? Worrying about you being treated right? Drinking away any jealousy we feel? Comeon. Don’t believe Liam when he says he doesn’t get jealous. He just has a different kind of jealousy. He won’t break up with you over it, but it’ll eat away at him over the years.”
“Over theyears?”
“Yeah. He’s like that.”
She didn’t ask for details. “I wish it were just about the money.” Something was warm in her eye. Why was she teary? Because it was difficult to admit this about herself? “My whole life, I haven’t felt truly desirable, you know? Like, I’ve had boyfriends. I could pull sugar daddies to get by, but like… I know it’s only because of my body. Because I’m young. In ten years, ain’t no one inviting me to La Mariposa or hiring me to be one of those on-call girls at crazy parties in the sex club.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, I do. Women know these things, Ben. And when I went to a place like the resort… it was scary, but also so exciting, you know? I kept thinking about the terrible things that could happen, yeah, but I was so fucking horny! I think that’s what got me hired! They could tell how greedy for some dick I was!”
