There is not a future where I will ever be relaxed in the water, but I take a deep breath anyway.
“How do we do it?”
He shows me the movements before gently guiding me. I promise myself that I’ll be okay and then slowly lean back.
I almost think I have it and that I’ll be able to do this, but thenwater invades my ears, just like it invaded everything when I fell off the dock, and I spring up.
“Obi Wan! Obi Wan!” I flail in the water, and I’m pretty sure I’m about to go under when strong arms wrap around me.
It’s like the moment I was pulled out of the water all over again. I don’t have logic as I tighten my hold on Nate. I just want him close.
“Hey, it’s okay. You didn’t go under.” His voice is soft with a tone that’s like a balm soothing my erratic mind. “I caught you.”
“I—sorry.”
“It’s fine. You stopped when it went too far. That’s good.”
Slowly, my mind comes back online and I realize there’s way too much of my skin pressed to his. Hugging while clothed is something he’s not a fan of. He has tohatethis.
I pull away abruptly, wiping the splatter of water from my face. “I think I need a nap,” I say. “And a shower. How about you have fun here while I do that?”
Nate’s brow furrows. “But we’re supposed to be hanging out together.”
“There’s not a lot of space for naps in the room. And you like being here. Just give me a few hours.”
I can tell he doesn’t like it, but I refuse to accept any other answer.
None of it makes sense. He wants to spend time with me, but the second I get too close, he pulls away. It’s frustrating, and I don’t know how to begin to parse through what’s happening.
What I really need is to get the fuck away from the pool and actually rest.
Then I can handle whatever the hell is going on.
Sleep doesn’t findme and I’m annoyed at myself. Rather than clearing my mind and dropping off the face of the earth for a few hours, I doomscroll on my phone and send pictures to Mom.
I’m so frustrated, but I feel like I’ve won the lottery when she video calls. I need a distraction,badly.
“There’s my favorite daughter!” Mom says.
“I’m your only daughter.”
“Still! Jeff, look at Maisie!” She shows me Dad, who’s doing a crossword. He gives me a glance before he returns to his puzzle.
“Huh. Your hair’s down,” he says.
I immediately run my fingers through it. “Uh, yeah. Vacation mode, right?”
“Looks cool.”
“I think it’s gorgeous!” Mom turns the phone back to her. “You’ve always had the best hair. And it’s so long!”
“Thanks,” I say. “I’m trying something new. And my scalp is feeling better.”
“Are you by yourself?”
I resist the urge to wince. I don’t want to think about Nate. “I am right now, but not overall. Nate’s at the pool.”
“I’m so glad you took him!” Mom laughs. “Are you having fun?”
