“Y-yeah, of course. It’s just a little awkward.”
“How so?”
“You know, the honeymoon suites don’t havedoors.”
Mom blinks. “No doors? Why would it have no door?”
“I told you that’s what the Peeking Suite meant, Judy.” Dad’s voice is flat, and my face immediately heats.
“Anyway,”I say. “We’ve made it work. Even though Nate has a thing against people touching him.”
Mom pauses. “Hates when people touch him? Is that a new thing?”
The pain in my chest is back, but now it’s expanding. “I ... I don’t think so.”
“Really?” She hums. “You know, I’ve never noticed it before or anything. When did this start?”
“I mean ... it’s been a while.” I don’t have a date for it, but the fact that I don’t remember when it started tells me a lot. “Like years.”
“But he hugs me at every holiday party. And he always does the awkward hug your father does.”
“It’s manly,” Dad gripes.
I feel like I’ve fallen into the pool again. “Oh. Maybe he’s just in a weird mood then.”
“Maybe your mother just doesn’t know how to take a no. She’s blind to other people’s emotions, you know.”
“Rude.” Mom huffs. “Just ask him. And tell me if I’m accidentally making him uncomfortable, please. I’d hate to keep bullying him into hugs if he doesn’t wanna touch people!”
“Y-yeah. I’ll ask.”
“I won’t take you from your trip for long. Have fun and tell Nate to call me.”
I force a smile onto my face as she says her goodbyes.
But her words stick with me. I think about holidays when Mom is waiting by the door to give us all hugs. I’m usually first, but Nate is always the second one she goes for.
And Mom’s right. He never jumps away from her. He didn’t jump away from Aaron.
It’s just me.
I go through all of our photos on my phone. Most of them are with Nate, since he goes to almost every event with my family.
In family photos, he stands next to Mom or Dad. He seems to always have an arm slung around their shoulders as if it’s the most casual thing in the world. I have a few pictures of him with other people. Some are the girlfriends that he didn’t last long with. And some are with Quinn.
And in every single one, he stands closer to them than he does me.
My heart feels like it’s being pierced.
As I go through more and more photos, I realize that Nate doesn’t have an aversion to touching most people. In fact, in all of these photos, his smile is easygoing and happy.
It’s nothing like how he looks when I try to do the same thing. And as I swipe through more, going back years and years, I realize that it’s a pattern. It’s not that he hates touching friends, and from what I’ve seen, it’s not like he hates touching strangers either.
He hates touchingme.
A text comes through from Nate telling me that he’s heading up. I immediately close the message, knowing I can’t face him until I get it together. I havenoidea how to handle this. I just know I can’t at the moment.
I grab my bag and run out of the room, sending the fastest message to Scarlett.
