“I guess I’ll have to hope for more interesting kids this year.” He pulls me a little bit deeper. “Are you ready for more practice?”
I groan, the smile slipping off of my face. The ocean is both the same and different from the pool water, but I try to avoid anything getting in my eyes so it doesn’t sting. Nate is as patient as he was yesterday, though it’s easier to focus on swimming and not him now that I know he doesn’t hate touching me.
Hours go by as I try to figure it out. I’m not a decent swimmer by any means, but as the late morning slips to the afternoon, I feel like I could save myself if I fell into the water.
“We have a little bit of time before we need to be back at the boat,” Nate says. “We could head back now or keep practicing.”
I consider the water for a second. I wouldn’t say I’m having fun, but I’m getting used to it. “Can we try floating again? I think I might be able to handle it.”
“Whatever you want,” he says. “Want me to help you?”
“Please,” I nearly beg. “I’m gonna hate this.”
He laughs, but shuffles closer. He has to remind me how to get into position with his hand steady at the small of my back.
When I try again, the panic of the water getting in my ears is back, but thankfully my face doesn’t go under. Nate’s hand hovers on my back and his fingers press into my spine gently.
I’m weightless and I can’t hear a thing. It’s terrifying, but I stay in place. The water is so different from the air in the way I move and in the way I float.
Nate’s hand feels like a thread keeping me grounded. I have no idea if I truly enjoy this, but I can tolerate it.
Eventually, I’m done with it. I try to sit up and nearly go under when Nate pulls me up.
“Well, that wasn’t elegant,” I mutter.
“You did so good,” he says. “Seriously, that was great.”
I feel like a wet rat. I probably look like one too. My hair is sticking to my forehead, and I have no idea how it’s laying. But Nate’s looking at me like I’m the universe. His smile is wide and I can feel his pride even though he isn’t saying it.
I feel proud too. I can’t believe I did that.
“I didn’t come out of it very well.” I’m out of my element as I try to move my hair from my face.
“Don’t worry about that. It’s just something you have to learn. But you did it. Even though you were scared.”
Fear has always been something that I’ve avoided. After all, I always thought it was telling me that I shouldn’t do something. But as time goes on, I’m starting to realize that I can do things while scared. And it’s good for me to do them too.
I nod and then look between the water and him. “I think it’s time.”
Nate pauses. “Time for what?”
“I’m gonna try to go under the water.”
Nate knows how big this is for me. Going under is the main thing I’m scared of. Falling off the dock had been miserable, but being stuck under the surface when I was a kid was even worse.
But I want to be brave, so I’m going to try it.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, as long as you’ll be right here.”
“I’ll always be right here.”
I take a shaky breath and prepare myself. Then I try to go under, only for my legs to lock up.
“Nope. I can’t.”
“Berry, I know it’s scary.” Nate has a hold on my hand. “But this is the first time you get to go under the water and be in control. And that’s huge.”
