The shambles of my former life are pinpricks compared to the landslide tearing through my heart. I somehow find my way back to the inn, to our room, and curl up on top of the bed, ignoring the blankets. No thoughts form. Just a raw, aching emptiness.
It’s several bells before Emlyn returns, the door barely a whisper as it opens and shuts. A moment later, the mattress shifts as he lies down on the bed beside me.
“Reid?” His voice is quiet, tinged with concern.
I pretend to be asleep.
* * *
It’s mid-morning when I wake, and Emlyn’s gone. I sit on the edge of the bed, staring out the window, dreading his return almost as much as I long for it.
I wish last night had never happened. That I could go back in time and get out of my head, pay attention to what was right in front of me. To be brave enough to take the leap with him.
The door creaks open.
“I got some more food.” Emlyn’s voice sticks as it comes out. “We should get going. We’ll be lucky if we make it to White Spring by nightfall.”
I barely manage to speak. “I thought we had till tomorrow.”
“Nye had useful information. It’d be good to discuss it with Taran before we meet with everyone else.”
My heart can’t sink any lower. “I see.”
The bed shifts as Emlyn sits next to me, but I keep my gaze out the window.
“I didn’t sleep with him. I didn’t do anything except talk. He was… very upset when he realized I wasn’t giving him anything.”
My gaze drifts to Emlyn’s hand, resting on his thigh. His finger twitches.
“I gave up my best source for you. I hope…” He sighs, then lifts his hand to tuck his braids back. “This is all new to me, and I don’t know what I’m doing. I just… I know this is a risk for you. I hope you think I’m worth it.” He grabs his pack and stands, leaving my sight.
Relief trickles down my throat. Maybe it’s not too late? But I haven’t a clue how to fix things—risking his job is one thing, but giving up my whole life is completely different. So I follow, still numb. Out the door, out of the village. We walk through the forest in silence, my eyes on Emlyn’s feet as I trail behind.
Of all things, Ellie’s words keep looping through my mind.Put yourself first for once.As addled as her brain is, maybe she’s right. Even when I dedicated myself to incanting, it wasn’t because fighting fae was the life I wanted. It just made me feel special. Without any family who gave a damn about me, it was the only thing that did.
But what would make me happiest?
The shackles constraining my ribs erode into nothing. My lungs breathe deep just as I almost collide with Emlyn’s back. He reaches out, steadying me with his hand.
I glance up at his face. “What’s wrong?”
Emlyn’s expression is tight. “We need to change course.” He turns to his right, picking up his pace.
His apprehension’s palpable, a jolt of nerves filling the emptiness in my rib cage. A quarter bell later, he sharply changes direction again.
He stops a few minutes later.
“Shit.”
My heart pounds as I step beside him. “What’s going on?”
Emlyn drops his head, hand braced on his hip as he rubs his face. “We’re being followed. Nye must have told someone about us.”
“Because you didn’t fuck him?” I ask, the words bitter on my tongue.
Emlyn glares at me. “Maybe someday you’ll understand how disappointing that can be.”
“I’m fairly certain I already know.”
