It was exactly what I’d told Wista when she had done the same thing only minutes ago. It was logical that I shouldn’t blame myself, the king had blackmailed me into the marriage. A smallpart of me couldn’t help but think if I had only listened to Shade, if I’d tried harder to find a way out—none of this would have happened.
“Adelia.” There was a strain in my chest when he said my name, almost like a tug. Was this some new version of anxiety? I gripped his tunic, letting it ground me. “Tell me you know it’s not your fault.”
“I know.”
I did know, but logic wouldn’t stop the questions circling my mind. The what-if? I shook my head to clear it; we had gotten far too off track.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “For how I dismissed you. Dismissed us.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, my Solis, I understand. I’m sorry I abandoned you.” Shade placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, his words a soft caress against my skin.
“I hurt you, and we both know he would have made me send you back,” I murmured.
Shade grunted, he knew it to be the truth. We stood that way for a few minutes, his arms around me, chin resting atop my head, my hands still tangled in his rumpled shirt.
The sound of approaching footsteps reached us, and Shade helped me onto the lounge. He stood before it like I knew he would, a silent guard ready to unleash on any approaching threat.
Eleanor and Wista rounded the corner, and when her hazel eyes locked on me, they filled with tears. She rushed forward, curls bouncing around her face. I hadn’t looked in the mirror, but I’m sure I was quite the sight, even if the worst of the trauma was internal, emotional.
“Lia,” she choked out, sinking to the floor before me, hands shaking when they gripped mine. “What happened?”
Chapter 30
Ineeded to tell her the truth; I’d told myself I would. Now that she was here, I couldn’t find the words. My instincts demanded I shelter her, play it down and pretend everything was fine.
Nothingwas fine.
It would only cause more harm. She needed to understand the dangers we all faced by being here, in this castle. Even if I would always stand in front of her and protect her, she needed to be careful. My open defiance to the king would have lasting effects, and we had to get out before the worst happened.
“Please, Lia,” she whispered, cheeks wet. The look in her eyes so similar to our mother’s I couldn’t bear it.
Then I told her.
Starting from when we arrived at the castle and what truly happened to keep me locked away for a week. The reason I had agreed to the proposal, what would happen if I didn’t go throughwith it, how we had searched for an escape route, only to find it blocked.
When I reached the events of the wedding night, my throat seized. It was all too fresh—I didn’t want to relive it.
I couldn’t.
Noticing my struggle, Wista stepped closer. “Perhaps that’s enough for now.”
“No, tell me. Why do you look like this now? You married him, why hurt you again?” Eleanor demanded. She had remained quiet for most of my story, but simmering determination shone in her eyes. She wouldn’t rest until she had all the information.
“I can’t.” The words were barely above a whisper, my chest tightening at the thought of saying it aloud. Having it all playing on a loop inside my mind was bad enough, I didn’t think I could voice it for everyone to hear. Not even Shade knew it all, had only caught the end of it. I didn’t want anyone else to experience what I had, even if only through words.
“Lia, I can’t bear it, I can’t help if I don’t know.” She hadn’t moved since I began my story, her hands gripping mine squeezed again. “What if Wista told me? Would that be alright?”
She spoke as if to a child. Had I become so fragile I needed such caution? My stomach soured at the notion. I was eldest, it was my job to be stronger, to protect.
Still, I couldn’t say the words. I caught Wista’s eye, silently giving her permission to tell her. She would be considerate and wouldn’t go into detail.
“The king—” She took a deep breath before continuing. “He forced himself on her. That’s all you need to know.”
I closed my eyes, refusing to see what reflected in Eleanor’s. Hot tears soaked my cheeks, rolling endlessly.
Flashbacks assaulted me.
The searing pain of his intrusion. His hands around my throat. My skin chafing against the soft rug as he rutted.
