Closing my eyes, I relaxed into his embrace. This close, the draw to him pulsed through me, a pull deep within my soul begging to intertwine our fates so thoroughly it was beyond recognition. It was more than sexual attraction, which I had in spades, but a God’s demanded connection. I sensed it would either strengthen us or send us to destruction.
In his arms, I imagined another time and another place, where we could explore this connection properly. I could give in to my body’s demands, fall into Shade until I was happily drowning in him.
There was no pain. No responsibility.
It was a hopeless dream, one that would never come to fruition, because this wasn’t another time or another place. I had a responsibility and that was Eleanor. The fact remained; she was in danger, within the clutches of a terrible man who threatened everything I had been working toward the past eight years.
I had to find a way to get her out, send her to Hutteran—even if she wasn’t ready.
It would be a dangerous task full of risk, and one I couldn’t do alone. I needed help from someone familiar with the castle, someone with secret connections. Treasonous connections.
Wista.
I would ask for her help, and I prayed to all four Gods she would give it. I’d beg if I had to because nothing was more important than keeping my sister safe.
Nothing.
When I opened my eyes next, the bed was empty beside me, the sheets cool to touch. The backs of my eyes ached, and my throat was sore, but it was nothing compared to the throbbing at my ribs. The tea had worked some kind of magic—my face was still tight, but the swelling had reduced more than it would have without it.
After taking stock of my injuries, I searched the room. The lamp rested on the small white table beside the bed, still and quiet.
Its usual humming vibration emitted from the opposite side of the room. I followed the sound to find Shade standing in front of an expansive window overlooking the gardens, this one free from the colored designs adorning the other room. With the curtains drawn back, the first slivers of morning light filtered into the room, leaving a soft glow around Shade’s profile and surrounding him in light, his usual-curling smoke still. His hairhad been pulled into a loose bun atop his head, leaving the scars on the back of his neck visible.
Did they cover his entire body? Everywhere but his face? I ached to know. To inspect every inch of his skin myself.
The wonderful scent ofhimswirled around me, beckoning me closer. The draw to him grew stronger every day, making it harder to resist. I wanted to be close to him. Totouchhim. Unlike every other morning, I listened to the tug. Taking it easy, I rose into a seated position before sliding from the bed. The room spun slightly as I padded through the cool air toward him. Small tendrils of smoke darted toward me, hovering as if ready to catch me should I fall, though Shade gave no other indication he heard me approaching.
I took his hand in mine, the action so natural and easy it happened without thought. I squeezed it gently, wanting to give him my gratitude but knowing words wouldn’t be enough. What he had done for me last night, the way he held and calmed me, there would never be enough words to convey my gratitude.
Shade’s responding squeeze elicited a rush of warmth through my chest, and ever so slowly, I leaned my head against him. With our height difference, I barely reached his shoulder. The physical contact allowed his humming vibration to flow directly through me, and I closed my eyes, content for the first time in years, just waiting for the sun to rise.
“Why the sun?” I asked after a few moments. I couldn’t help asking the question again; he never missed a morning. Would he tell me why? With the way he tipped his head back, soaking in the rays … there had to be more.
“Inside the lamp, it’s just me … me and darkness. A black, never-ending abyss. When you have nothing but yourself, your own memories, you find yourself reliving your past. The good memories fade over time until only the horrors of the pastremain. Mistakes. Fears. Every miserable moment. You relive them over and over until it consumes you. That is all you know.”
He sucked in a sharp breath, and I opened my eyes to find him still studying the horizon, his face pained. “The sun reminds me I’m not there anymore. Thatthisis real. That I’m no longer alone.”
“Shade,” I choked through the lump caught in my throat, and tears pricked my eyes. I didn’t know what else to say to convey the pain his admission caused me, so I squeezed his hand again.
“You shouldn’t be on your feet,” he murmured, emotion still clear in his voice.
“I have nowhere else I want to be.” I followed his gaze to the horizon. Bursts of orange and yellow speared the sky, blanketing the city below in a warm-yellow hue. I didn’t think I’d ever appreciated a sunrise before this moment. “It’s beautiful.”
“Yes.” His usually deep voice took the gravelly edge that never failed to do things to me, drawing my attention from the lightening sky. But Shade wasn’t watching the sunrise. No, he stared down at me, those intense eyes back to molten silver.
His meaning sunk in, and a hummingbird took flight in my stomach, a light flush heating my cheeks. I couldn’t speak, not to voice the feeling his compliment elicited. He held me captive a moment longer before his gaze returned to the rising sun. We were silent as the sky lightened from deep-burnt orange, to a bright yellow, then a startlingly clear blue.
My body was trembling by the time the sun cleared the horizon, heavy with exhaustion. Shade supported my weight and lifted me into his arms so smoothly my body barely jostled. He tucked me back into bed, then dragged a large armchair from the corner of the room to sit beside it. Taking my hand in his, he brought it to his mouth and kissed it. His lips lingered, the hummingbird in my stomach soaring as a wave of warmth flooded me, heating my skin.
Our eyes met, and I knew then he felt it. The same pull I did. The incessant need to be close. It was more than fate, more than the deep magic connecting us through the lamp. My soul recognized something in his. We were tied together, unable to be separated. I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on him, he would destroy me. If I fell into this feeling, what would it do to my future? To Eleanor’s future? How could I protect her if I was so thoroughly distracted by Shade, wrapped up in him.
“I heard you.” His voice was husky, full of an emotion I couldn’t identify. “In the lamp, I heard you sing to me.”
“I wasn’t sure,” I whispered, satisfaction warming my heart. I had given him something more than loneliness in those moments. Then I bolted upright, hissing as the movement tweaked my injured ribs. “Did you hear? When the king …?”
Gods, if he had heard, been witness to the shameful way Terym had attacked me …
“No.” Shade placed his hand on my shoulder, lowering me back so I was more comfortable. “I didn’t hear.”
