“I did. I’ll probably do it again, but hopefully the next time it will be more pleasurable—for both of us.”
“That’s not happening,” I snap.
“It is, and you’ll like it. I bet if I checked right now, your panties would be wet.”
“You’re insane.”
“Probably. You don’t survive what I’ve been through and come out totally sane. Now, I have had sex with Layna. Quite a lot of it.”
“Spare me the details,” I grumble—really not wanting to hear about it.
“It’s the only reason I kept her around. I mean, hell, Arwen, I’ve been in jail for four years. I’ve been so fucking ready for sex the fabric of my boxers was giving me a hard-on.”
“Blade—”
“I’m not kidding. That’s all it was though, just sex.”
I shake my head, letting him see just how little I believe him. “I guess that’s why you brought her to the cemetery, too.”
For a second his face changes. I’d like to think he feels ashamed, but I know better than to let myself believe that. His fingers move to my cheek, brushing against it. I fight closing my eyes. “No. When Olivia and I were in a relationship, Layna gave her problems. I thought seeing Layna with me would hurt her. That’s the only reason.”
I suck in an audible breath as his lips move into a grim, definitely unhappy smile. “I’m an asshole, Arwen. I can’t change that, even if I would like to.”
“I think anyone can change themselves if they really want to, Blade,” I respond, my voice hoarse and giving away more than I truly want it to.
“That’s the thing, I don’t want to change for myself. I’d only change it so you wouldn’t see me that way. What has happened to me has just changed me too much, but I wish I could be different … for you, Arwen.”
“I’m nothing to you, Blade. What you just said is crazy.”
“What if I want you to be more, sweetheart? You can’t deny there’s a pull between us that I haven’t felt for a very long time.”
“Since Olivia. Maybe if you listened to her, the two of you could find your way back?—”
“I may not know much, but I do know that’s something that will never happen. There’s no going back for me. I’m also willing to admit for the first time that I might be able to move forward for the future. The point of me telling you all of this is that I’d like you to be a part of that future, sweetheart.”
“Olivia is …”
“My past and your patient. I understand. That doesn’t mean we can’t explore what this is between us.”
“She’s more than that. She’s family to me now, Blade.”
“Arwen, I can’t tell you where this will go for us. I was impulsive once, and that didn’t end well for me, my brother, or Olivia. I won’t ever be that way again. What I do know is this thing pulling me toward you is powerful and if you feel it too, then we owe it to one another to at explore it,” he says and before I can respond, he takes my hand and leads me to a door. I frown because it’s not what I imagined an entrance to a restaurant would look like.
“I don’t think exploring?—”
He stops and puts a finger against my lips. “At the very least, we owe it to one another to spend time together. Maybe it goes nowhere and just ends. Either way, we deserve to find out. Now, I had my private chef create us a magnificent meal. It’s the first one I’ve shared with a woman in a fucking long time. I want to take you into my apartment, enjoy dinner and dessert with you, and then I will escort you back to your car so you can go home. If it goes well enough, maybe I can give you a kiss afterward, because that will be my very first kiss since being free.”
He turns to open his door. Now is the time for me to tell him no and walk away. Whatever this is, it’s a disaster just waiting to happen. Sadly, I don’t stop him. I walk into his apartment like a sheep being led to the slaughter.
When did I get so fucking stupid?
13 BLADE
“What’s this?” Arwen asks, picking up an envelope from my end table.
I walk into the sitting room, carrying us each a glass of wine. Dinner went really well. If I’m being honest, it was better than I imagined it would be. We had an easy conversation over dinner. I learned that Arwen worked her way through school. She never met her father, and her mother raised her but passed away a couple of years ago from a heart attack. I’ve also learned she’s smart, vivacious, and no nonsense—qualities I’m immensely attracted to.
We’ve carefully avoided any conversation about Olivia, my brother, or my time in the pen. I did that on purpose, and I’m pretty sure she did too. I don’t want the past to color the attraction it’s clear we’re both feeling. For me, it’s unexpected. Something I should probably fight but lack the will to. I never thought these feelings would hit me again. I thought Olivia had broken that in me. If not her, then definitely what come afterward.
