Apparently, I was wrong.
She puts the envelope down and reaches for her wine. And I smile as I sit down beside her. I take it as a win when she doesn’t move away from me. Hopefully the wine will get her defenses to fall even more.
“Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s not polite to snoop?” I ask, taking a drink, my eyes never leaving hers.
“They tried,” she grins. “It’s a note from your brother, isn’t it?”
“How do you know?”
“Because Olivia got one too. The therapist in me is wondering why it’s not been opened?”
“Do you know what was in Olivia’s?” I ask, studying her.
“Parts of it, and before you ask, I’m not telling you.”
I nod, not expecting anything less. “Fair enough. I got my letter today. I started to read it but couldn’t bring myself to just yet. I will.”
“Don’t you want to know what was so important to your brother?”
“Yes, although a bigger part of me is afraid. It’s also hard to face that whatever is inside will be the last thing I will ever have from my brother. I don’t think I’m ready to face that yet. Do you think that makes me a coward?”
“No, just human,” she murmurs, studying me.
“That’s something I haven’t felt like in a long time,” I confess.
“Human?” Her smile broadens as she looks at me under her impossibly long eyelashes. “Did you think you were an alien?”
“Smartass,” I laugh.
“I’m just joking. I get it. In many ways, you and Olivia have both been through tremendous trauma. You need time to regroup, rebuild, and become stronger.”
“Don’t think I’m weak, Arwen. I’ve never been weak in my life,” I growl lowly, not wanting her to picture me as less than I should be.
“No one in their right mind would ever do that, Blade. Sometimes getting stronger has nothing to do with weakness, but with embracing change and the road before you.”
“Are you psychoanalyzing me, Doctor?”
“Just … observing,” she says.
“Do you know what I’m observing?” I ask, leaning in to grab her wine glass. I take it and put it—along with mine—on the coffee table in front of the sofa.
“What’s that?” she asks, and I don’t think it’s my imagination that she sounds breathless.
“I’m noticing how beautiful you are, how your lips look glossy and tempting. I’m noticing how you stare at me a little too long, and I’m praying that means you want to know what it would feel like to kiss me, because I sure as fuck am wondering that about you.”
“We shouldn’t,” she says at once, but her tongue slides out to lick her lips. That’s the only signal I need. I slide my hand along the side of her neck, instantly enjoying the way her pulse jumps against my hand.
“I definitely think we should,” I respond softly, bringing my lips to hers. Her fingers bite into my shirt. I freeze for a second, waiting to see if she’s going to push me away. When she holds me closer instead, I breathe easier. I take her lips, moaning as her sweetness hits me, and she lets my tongue inside. It seems I’ve been waiting too long for this kiss. Part of me worries that this woman is far more dangerous than I ever imagined, but I push those nagging thoughts aside and decide to just enjoy the here and now. It’s been too long since I’ve enjoyed the softness of a woman and the sweet, tender, innocent reactions that Arwen is giving me. I plan on enjoying it while I can because if life has taught me nothing, it’s that moments like this don’t last for men like me …
14 OLIVIA
I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of the night—most notably the frogs in the background. This is the only time I feel at peace. I’m breathing fresh air, nature is all around me, and I’m not in chains or locked in a commercial freezer that’s been changed into a steel prison cell. A cell in which the floor is stained with blood from the man who still haunts my dreams.
I push the hair out of my face and take a deep, shuddering breath. I thought Winnie would be back by now, but she’s still out. I’m never alone, though. Winnie’s housekeeper, Mrs. Dynes, is here. She lives with Winnie. She’s a sweet older lady who has been really nice to me. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my life, though. I can’t keep staying with Winnie. It’s time I start rebuilding my life. I haven’t used Bear’s money, and I don’t want to. I loved him. I didn’t love him for what it could get me. Knowing I got that money because my brother killed him …
I just can’t touch it.
I’d give my life if it would bring Bear back. I wouldn’t even have to think about it. Hell, I’ve prayed for that exact same thing a thousand times. I stand up, pulling the black-and-white checkered throw—that I have over my shoulders—tighter. Maybe I can make some tea to help me sleep. Mrs. Dynes is always suggesting it. I hate hot tea, but I’m desperate enough to try it tonight. With any luck, it will bring a dreamless sleep.
