‘That’s that then,’ she said before he could come out with the age-old excuses. She didn’t want to hear them. She’d heard them all before. Or some variation of the same theme. She folded her arms in front of her chest and stared at him. ‘I’m not sure this drink is wise, if that’s the case. I’m not the type of woman who plays around with other people’s boyfriends. If I gave you the impression that I was, I apologise for that.’
‘God no. I had no such thought. I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t come here to fall … to meet someone. I came here to look after my granddad. And I came here tonight to … well, to tell you the good news. And yes. Part of me wanted to tell you how I feel. To try to explain my situation.’
‘I think we are both aware of your … situation. Let me guess. Your partner doesn’t understand you.’
‘She doesn’t. But not in the way you mean it. And she’s not my partner, exactly. We were in a relationship. That’s true. We still are as far as she’s concerned. That’s why this is complicated. When you rang the doorbell at Gramps’ cottage, I was in the middle of a heated argument with her. I was trying to finally end our relationship but she kept saying she couldn’t live without me and I was worried she might hurt herself because when I’d tried to end it a few weeks earlier she had threatened to do that if I left her. I didn’t really believe she would, but she had been so distraught on that occasion that I couldn’t be completely sure. I foolishly agreed to give the relationship more time, even though I knew, deep down, that it was over. This time I was determined,but it was still difficult and I wasn’t thinking straight. That’s why I didn’t answer your phone call, not because it was an unknown number. But I had a bad feeling about your call, and I told her I had to check my voicemail in case something had happened to Gramps. She knows how much he means to me so she didn’t argue with that. The second I got your message, I called you. And the minute I knew about the ambulance, I packed a bag and went straight to the hospital. No one is as important to me as Gramps. No one.’
‘You’re still with her though?’
‘Yes. I suppose for the moment I am. I told her that it was over as far as I was concerned, and that while I was with Gramps she should look for somewhere else to live but she said we would talk about it again when I got back.’
‘Somewhere else to live? You … you live with her! You said she’s not your partner.’
‘She’s not. She only moved in with me on a temporary basis because the lease on her flat expired and they hiked the rent up to more than she could afford. She asked if she could come and stay with me for a few weeks until she could find another place of her own. Stupidly, I said she could. And regretted it immediately. Even though I had made it clear that we were not living together. I gave her the spare bedroom as her own room to emphasise that fact. But that’s why this is … complicated.’
Lara couldn’t quite take this in. Her common sense questioned his words. Her heart wanted to believe him. But wasn’t this just a different version of the same story? A man is in a relationship but he still wants to play the field.
‘I think it would be best if you leave.’
‘I agree that’s probably going to be my only option. Oh! You mean now? Leave here? I thought you meant…’ He looked despondent. ‘Okay. Yes. I suppose you’re right. I didn’t mean this to happen, Lara. I hope you believe that.’
She was already walking towards the hall to show him out. Although stumbling might be a better way to describe how she felt. Her legs were like jelly but her feet were like lead as she put one foot in front of the other. Her whole body yearned for him to stay, as did her heart. Her brain wanted to get him out of there as fast as she possibly could. She felt betrayed, somehow. She had known him for less than two days and yet it felt as if the rug had been swept from under her feet. As if her world had fallen apart. How could this hurt so much?
‘Does it really matter what I believe?’
‘Of course it matters what you believe. At least it does to me.’
She opened the front door while she still had the willpower to do so.
‘Then let me tell you what I believe. I believe you’re in a relationship which might not be perfect but nevertheless you’re still in it. I believe you’re attracted to me and that you know I’m attracted to you. So you thought you could have the best of both worlds. I’m sorry, Jasper, but you can’t. As much as I want you here, I need you to leave. I hope we can be friends. In time.’
He looked as if she had slapped his face and ripped out his heart.
‘That sounds like a goodbye speech.’
She was already closing the door as Jasper stood on the threshold.
‘Good night, Jasper.’
‘Lara! I’m–’
‘Good night, Jasper,’ she repeated. Her tone firmer and colder than before.
He stepped outside like a broken man.
‘Good night, Lara. I’m truly sorry.’
‘Not as sorry as I am,’ she croaked, closing the door behind him and ramming the large iron bolt across it.
