Nell gives a cough. ‘With all due respect, there are twelve people downstairs who won’t give a crap about your panda eyes. However, theyaredesperate to get their hands on your Pavlovas!’
So shehasseen the ink stains, but it’s such a straightforward take on the situation it makes me smile.
Millie’s straight back at me. ‘I’ve done the “be true to yourself and fabulous too” workshops. I promise I can make you beautiful in ten minutes.’
There’s something so compelling about her as she stands there with her eyes shining, for a moment I almost believe her. And that’s not all that hits me. Watching her here, self-possessed and confident, striking and persuasive, with so much power to help people, it’s resonating with me for another reason. Reminding me how right I was to be happy and excited when I thought I was going to have a baby of my own.
Millie is living, breathing proof that having an unexpected baby at uni didn’t have to be a life disaster. Sure, in my case it would have been hard work, and tough, and sent me on a different path. But if I’d had the chance I’d haveworked my socks offto make that work. But Ross never got past that negative perception. And however many pairs of shoes he cleans for me – for which I’m obviously hugely grateful – this deep and fundamental difference back then will always stand between us.
Sophie’s eyes focus on me. ‘Don’t forget, this is St Aidan, Cressy. Unfiltered is our big thing.’
She’s so right about that – and it’s not just with photos. No one holds back, they come straight out and say exactly what they’re thinking. In some ways it’s bruising, but it cuts straight through the pretence. There’s a lot less room here for fakery; if you’re into artifice there’s no place to hide. But on the plus side you know exactly where you are.
Millie’s already standing over me with the hair brush in hand. ‘If you don’t like the result,thenyou can leave. But please, please,pleaselet me try before you go.’
I smile up at her, and pull myself back to the present. ‘Put like that, it’s very persuasive. So what are you going to do?’
She’s standing back, staring at my face. ‘Some plaits to hold back your hair at the side, a ponytail with a twist, dark pink lippy…’
Sophie joins in, propping my chin on her fingers. ‘Eyebrows, a flash of eyeliner, a little contouring.’
Nell’s wagging her finger at me. ‘And a nice clean apron! Then you’ll be good as new. Better even!’
Millie grasps my fingers and squeezes them. ‘You’re so much more amazing than you realise, Cressy. We’ll work on that once tonight is over.’
Sophie pulls me into a hug. ‘What she says, Mrs. She might be small, but she’s very wise. And scarily on-the-nail most of the time.’
I’m biting my lip, swallowing back the saliva. To think when I first met them I thought I wouldn’t need their help. And now I couldn’t do without it. They’re all so different, yet so much themselves, and so sure of who they are. And maybe they’re right, I might need to think about me. And what went wrong. Because compared to them I seem to be floating along, not knowing who I am at all. Which is ridiculous, when they’re the mermaids, and I’m the woman with her feet based firmly on the shore, who’s been shooting for the stars for the last twelve years. I’m just not so sure how well that’s working out for me anymore.
And there’s another thought. Since I came upstairs it’s that thing – nothing has changed, yet everything’s different – and it’s all down to them. If I’d known this was what having women friends was like, I might have wanted some sooner.
I take a deep breath. ‘Okay, ladies, what are you waiting for? There are people downstairs wanting their puddings!’
And then I close my eyes, and brace myself for what’s coming next.
21
Back on the Harbourside
Skill swaps and natural talent
Very late Saturday evening
‘Iwas wrong when I said my life was never riotous. It was tonight!’
It’s Ross, and we’re in the harbourside car park with Diesel collecting the last load of the night from Charlie’s car. And he’s right about this evening being lively.
Kicking off by having meringue mix that didn’t stiffen, followed swiftly by me asking to have runny egg poured over my head, wasn’t the best start. Millie and Sophie worked their magic but when I came down after my mini-make-over I was still so bedraggled that there really was nothing left to lose. Somewhere between handing out the individual Pavlovas I’d made earlier and beating up gallons of whipped cream to put on them I stopped worrying and started to have fun, and the audience picked up on that. By the time we got to the buns on strings you’d have thought it was a party of fifty rather than twelve.
It’s great they had a good time, but I can’t claim the credit foreverywhoop. ‘They’d all had a lot to drink, that’s why there was so much hilarity and helpless laughter.’
Ross pulls the last box of dishes from the car boot and closes the lid quietly, so as not to disturb the people in the cottages around the quayside. ‘Count me in for next time. If a social life is this much fun, I need one.’
‘Lovely Millie’s right again.’
He frowns. ‘Lovely Millie’s very full of herself at times.’
After the way she helped me, I won’t hear a word against her. ‘Or maybe the truths she comes out with are too close for comfort for some people.’ I give him a hard stare. As for his rush to volunteer, I knowhehasn’t been drinking, but he might be getting carried away with the atmosphere. ‘Nell’s got a lot more larger evenings lined up. You might like to think about it again in the morning before you commit.’
