I don’t like to notice how rarely he helps. ‘Hopefully once he gets to know everyone better he’ll get more involved.’
She wrinkles her nose as we get to the high chairs. ‘That’s the trouble, I’m not sure he will. At my age boyfriends are hard to come by, beggars can’t be choosers. He looks after me, he’s got a lovely car, and he’s here. Asking any more would be unrealistic.’ Which is a very sad place to be.
I send her a grin. ‘In any case, you’ve only committed for Christmas. You’re free to move on in the New Year if you still haven’t bedded in.’
And with that thought we shiver our way out into the chilly hallway and towards the noise from the family room. As we push the high chairs into place next to Fliss’s sofa, Willow is coming towards us. Her eyebrows are arched, and she’s looking like she breathed in a while ago and forgot to breath out again.
‘Everything okay, Willow?’
‘Actually, no, it isn’t.’
I’d have been more surprised if she’d said yes. Not that this is all about me, but I have to comment. ‘You know my auras feel so much better since you gave me the sea glass.’
Her face softens into the smile I was hoping for. ‘Aura, Ivy, you only have one, but that’s good, I can tell.’ She frowns again. ‘This is something a lot more global.’
My heart is sinking. ‘Oh my …’
She comes right up to my ear and hisses, ‘I just spotted a highly unsuitable DVD on the pile.’
After I warned Keef too. If he’s smuggledTexas Chainsaw Massacrein I’ll personally chop him into little pieces. I hardly dare ask, so take baby steps. ‘Are you comfortable to tell me what it is?’
Her mouth comes to my ear. ‘It’s the one with the pigs.’
‘NotBabe?’ My mind is racing through what else it could be.
She shakes her head. ‘It’s that pre-school animation, it’s so bad I refuse to say the name on principle. It’s hugely popular but there are big problems with the gender stereotyping, and the central characterneverwears a seat belt.’
If I remember rightly from watching with Oscar, it’s a hand drawn animal, driving a toy car. ‘Is that all?’ I was sure she’d found somethingsomuch worse. Surfie porn or something.
Her eyes are flashing. ‘It’s not a minor issue, Ivy, it’s hugely damaging for toddlers to see a father figure lounging around in an armchair reading the paper while the mother does all the domestic chores. We women will never achieve equality in a generation if that’s the start in life we give our children.’
‘Very true.’ Not having children I haven’t thought about it before. Maybe this is Ambie’s problem – he’s been watching too muchPeppa Pig. I lean towards her. ‘Any offending DVDs, bring them to me and I’ll put them in Bill’s room away from the kids.’
‘Lovely.’ Her face relaxes again. ‘And I’msopleased you got mistletoe, it’s a very powerful plant and not only for kissing under.’ Her eyes are shining now.
‘Really?’
She nods and winks at me. ‘It gives you a lot of protection from werewolves, it’s great for fertility, and it stops you having your children swapped for faerie changelings.’
I laugh too and as I go off to light the candles I turn to Fliss sitting on the sofa. ‘Did you hear that? Bill bought so much of the stuff it looks like you’re going to have to keep Harriet and Oscar after all.’
With so many strong women and opinions this Christmas was never going to be easy. Which is why it’s good for me to be on the edge. So long as my tea lights look amazing shining in the dark, sending warm shadows flickering up over the stonework then I’m happy. As I sit down to help Fliss devour the pizza, for a while all I see of Bill are a few grimaces and eye rolls from across the room. When I come back in from the kitchen after clearing away they’re well into Wallace and Gromit, and I squeeze down on a sofa between Fliss and Miranda with Merwyn sitting on my feet. To be honest, when it ends we’re expecting to move seamlessly into the next Wallace and Gromit film, and thenHome Alone, but Tiff and Tansy are practising handstands on a duvet. And then Ambie gets up – who said he couldn’t move? – and Milo goes out too, and then suddenly Bill’s in front of the fire, clapping his hands. He carefully arranges a cushion on the floor and gives a little cough.
‘If I could just have everyone’s attention there’s a slight update to this evening’s programme …’
It takes a while for the acrobats to stop, and for Tom and Tarkie to emerge from their tower room, but we get there in the end. And then the lights dim slightly and some familiar music begins. It’s one of those times I know I won’t be able to place it until the words begin but before they can Ambie appears, holding a mic in his hand.
Miranda shouts to Bill, ‘If you’d told us we were doingBritain’s got Talent, I’d have brought my belly dancing outfit.’ She wiggles her eyebrows at him. ‘That’s another thing you should think of, Bill, castle erotic dancing weekends.’
Instead of Bill doing his usual answering back he simply puts his finger to his lips.
As I take in Ambie’s tux I give Fliss and Miranda a nod of admiration. ‘Someone scrubs up well.’ I don’t think I’ve ever seen him completely dry before, but now he is he’s strikingly tall and distinguished with his tanned cheekbones and his fabulous iron grey curls.
Fliss gives a snort. ‘Slightly spoiled by his clip-on bow tie not being straight.’
I hiss at her. ‘And I might have given the Santa hat a miss too.’ Then I turn to Miranda. ‘What’s he doing?’
But she’s staring at him too hard to reply, and her smile’s very bright but strangely fixed.
