The moment Ambie starts to sing the wordsI’ve never seen you look so lovely as you did tonight …I get the song.‘It’sLady in Red… and he’s got Chris de Burgh’s hip wiggle off to a T too.’
Fliss is hissing across me at Miranda. ‘You didn’t tell us he did karaoke …’ from her frowns she can’t work out what’s going on any more than I can ‘… or is he lip syncing?’
As he slightly misses a note, it’s clear it’s his own voice. Then he’s coming towards us, sliding his shiny black leather-soled shoes across the rug, knees slightly bent as he moves, holding out his hand, still crooning the words. To give him his due, it’s astonishing how good he is.
I give Miranda a nudge. ‘Good thing you put on the dress.’ But she’s flapping her fingers in front of her face too hard to reply.
We all know karaoke looks easy, but try to do it and it’s a whole different story. Believe me, I know. When I tried singing along toSomewhere Only We Know, thekaraoke version with lyrics, on YouTube in the kitchen in preparation for Fliss’s hen party cocktail night I couldn’t even get the first line in the right place. All I can say is thank Christmas I tried it at home first and not in public. It was so hideous I was cringing with embarrassment at myself, and I was the only one there. So I know this is hard, and he’s pretty much note perfect, except for the highest bits. And to be fair, even Chris de Burgh cracks on those sometimes. And when he’s a yard away I swear I hear Miranda give a low groan and mutter to herself:
‘Oh fuck.’
But he’s pulling her to her feet, and as she slinks back across the room with him, his hand’s slipping over her bottom, and the red dress is riding up slightly. And from the way her eyes are almost popping he’s definitely surprised her. He’s pulling this off and smashing it, but you have to admit, it’s a risky choice of music. This song is like Marmite, it’s a lover or a loather. Being a sucker for cheesy romantic I’d go for it every time, but it’s the kind of corny Miranda always jokes about. If she was listening to Absolute 80s radio at home and this came on she’d be more likely to throw her slipper at the radio or switch it off than sing along with it.
But Ambie’s working it all the way, and he’s not going to give up. The way he’s looking deeply into her eyes is so sincere, the notes of his voice are so low and deep. As they reverberate around the room it’s hard not to be carried away by the romance and the love. And we can see Miranda melting in front of us as she relaxes into this. I mean who wouldn’t want to be serenaded by someone who sounds as smooth as James Bond and is suave enough to be Michael Douglas’s body double with a sprinkling of Hugh Grant rakishness tossed in for good measure?
From the way he leads her around the room and back to the fireplace with perfect timing it’s obvious he’s worked on these moves in advance. By the time he’s repeated the fifth refrainand ishumming his way to the end the last bars of music are fading, and we’re all applauding. But he’s still gazing into Miranda’s eyes, and then his hand’s in his pocket, and in one smooth, seamless movement he’s pulled out a ring box and popped up the lid.
It’s the kind of thing you read about inOK!magazine and see in films, but it’s the first time I’ve seen it unfold in real life.
Fliss is murmuring beside me, ‘OMIGOD he’s proposing!AndLOOKat that diamond!’
Even from across the room, I can’t believe how huge it is or how brightly it’s sparkling as the candlelight catches it. Let’s just say, from what I know ofDaniels’ classiest jewellery, it must have cost a packet, and then some.
I’m whispering back, ‘She can’t turn that one down.’ What Ambie lacks in willingness to help, he’s more than made up for with carats and the singing.
Fliss is shaking her head, breathing the words behind her hand. ‘I’m not sure I want to see my mum getting proposed to, some things should stay behind closed doors, it’s a bit like watching my own conception.’
I’m talking back through clenched teeth. ‘It isverypublic too, shecan’tturn him down.’
Ambie clears his throat and holds the ring up between his fingers. ‘Dearest Miranda, I was a very sad and lonely man when we met, but you came into my life like a storm trooper, and you lit me up from the inside out … we haven’t known each other long, but I already know, Ihaveto make you mine. And once you’re on my arm I’m hoping you’ll finally become the lady you deserve to be.’
Fliss gives a snort. ‘Condescending much?’
Considering how many times she’s sat through similar before, I have to admire Miranda for managing to look like she’s not only enraptured, but hearing something totally fresh and new. And you have to hand it to Ambie, he’s doing this really well.
Fliss is murmuring again. ‘The adrenalin must have sobered him up, for someone who’s been downing gin all day he’s very coherent.’ She lets out a sigh. ‘All that drinking, as future husband material he’s not ideal.’
I send her a frown. ‘Fingers crossed it’s fourth time lucky.’
Ambie’s carrying on. ‘Miranda, I’d love you to do me the honour of being the next Mrs Bentley.’ He drops down onto one knee and holds up the ring to her. ‘Please, will you marry me?’
A collective ahhhh ripples around the sofas. Then Tarkie pipes up. ‘But Mum, I thought Granny Miranda had too many husbands already?’
Tiff’s hissing at him very loudly. ‘No, it’s totally fine to get another, Tarkie, she’s dumped all the others, she got her absolute beginner certificates.’
Tansy’s pondering. ‘Maybe she should get one that’s not old and wrinkly this time.’
Keef’s voice cuts in from by the log pile. ‘So long as you’re sure, Mirry …’
Miranda looks up at Ambie. ‘Dear Ambrose …’ Then she looks over her shoulder. ‘Thank you all for your help and concern, this is a big surprise for me too …’ she looks back to Ambie ‘… but I’m delighted to accept.’
Then as Ambie pushes the ring onto her finger a roaring cheer goes up, mainly from the surfies, and we all clap. And I look round the faces to find Milo. After the way he’s been physically forcing his way between them the last few days, I’d have expected him to rugby tackle the ring before he let this happen. I’m pleased he’s seen sense, been the bigger man, and backed off at last.
Willow’s shouting at anyone who will listen. ‘Lovers who kiss under the mistletoe will have lasting happiness.’
As she heads for the happy couple I turn to Fliss. ‘So where’s Milo?’
Fliss rolls her eyes. ‘Who knows, but he’s not going to be a happy bunny.’
