Tansy joins in. ‘And Tansy means immortal and it’s also a yellow flower.’
Tarkie pulls a face. ‘A yellow flower that stinks, or a vampire, that’s stinky too.’
Tiff rolls her eyes. ‘Don’t listen, he’s always like this when he’s had too many hot dogs.’
I’m staring at Willow as the enormity of what she’s telling me sinks in. ‘And saying what I feel is a good thing?’ Even if it was almost true and said in a jokey way, that was a pretty cutting comment I made to Tiff there. From where I’m standing,right next to Billthis could turn into a nightmare scenario. I take a step away before I blurt. I mean, really, who here will be better off knowing I’m aching to climb inside his coat with him? Some things need to stay private. Stuff expressing myself, some things need not to be thought in the first place.
Willow’s still smiling except now her smile’s turned super-serene. ‘I’m picking up that you’ve been repressing yourself for a long time – once you’re being true to yourself again, you’re going to feel amazing.’
‘No, I need to take this off, like straight away.’ I’m fumbling inside my collar, desperately trying to find the clasp when Willow’s hand lands on my elbow.
‘Ivy, it’s fine, keep it on.’ She’s looking at me sideways. ‘I know you want to …’
‘It’s too scary.’ It’s coming out as squeaky as a mouse, but it’s also the truth. And what I can’t get over is how Willow looks like she’s about to break, and yet she’s so robust. Libby has energy and she’s bursting with success and power, but Willow’s force is so much deeper and quieter and somehow stronger. More like titanium. Solid, but light at the same time. And even through the thickness of my coat sleeve I can feel the warmth from her fingers. And it’s as if some of that strength is passing through to me. Because she’s right. ‘Actually I don’t want to take off my lovely sea glass and stars. Why would I?’
She’s nodding. ‘That’s better, Ivy-leaf.’
I’m nodding back at her. ‘And now I need to do some shopping myself.’ Which as a statement is totally innocuous. So maybe I don’t need to worry after all. Obviously it was all bullshit, I was panicking totally unnecessarily. As if a bit of glass round my neck would do anything. I wiggle my eyebrows at her. ‘These people who go buying me gorgeous stuff when I haven’t got them anything …’
Oh fuck.
This can only go one way from here … downhill faster than a bobsleigh run.
